You have probably seen me in a store where I have a child screaming either in the cart or on the ground because the said screaming child did not get what he or she wanted.

Every time I take my kids to the store, I know that I am either going to have a screaming kid or one that is misbehaving all together by dancing and knocking things off of shelves. I know that this is going to happen, because I am parenting defiant children.

The defiance ranges from extreme to mild.

My girls are not as defiant in stores anymore as they have learned that that is not how they get what they want.

This is my daily life, in public and at home.

Yes, I feel embarrassed by kids tantrum in the middle of the store, but I continue taking them out in public because they need to learn how to act in public places.

I can't even say parenting a defiant child is the hardest thing I have done.

Parenting children with TRAUMA is the HARDEST thing I have done.

Things that my children tell me about their past, just makes me cringe. I get sick and angry to the core. I had one of these moments tonight when one of my kids shared with me something that happened when they were with their birth parents. I can't even imagine how much guilt this child has had to carry on their little shoulders.

There are times when I have thoughts of:

* Why am I the one that has to mop up life messes that someone else created?

* I am so glad that I am able to be the safe place for my kids.

* I am thankful they feel safe enough to share their feelings with us.

* Why are some people even allowed to have children before taking parenting classes?

* I am so thankful for the endless hours of parenting classes that we have been required to take in order to adopt our children.

* I am thankful for all of the information we gained in these classes.

*What were we thinking when we agreed to be foster parents?

* I am so thankful that we became foster parents and were able to adopt our children.

* Even though being a mother is hard work, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

* Sometimes, I think I take it for granted how easy it was to foster and adopt our first and second placements.

* I will never regret adopting my kids.

There are days when I wake up and think to myself, "Ok, I need to put on my strong armor today"

There are days when I have to literally force myself out of bed because the day before was rough and I wonder if things will be better today.

There are days when I wake up before my kids and I sit and listen to the silence and think, "was this really what it was like before kids?"

I also think to myself, "this is way to quiet and the kids need to get up and make chaos".

I have every emotion that goes through my mind every single day, but at the end of the day,

I WOULD NOT CHANGE A THING!!!

My kids are my world.