The reason I am doing this post separate and out of order is because I have had to contemplate how to tell the story in order to not make Raven feel more embarrassed than she already does.
About a month or so ago, we had a neuro psych evaluation done on Raven.
She had been showing signs of psychosis and we wanted to know exactly what we were dealing with so that we could get her the proper help.
Fast forward to November 13, Raven put her journal down on the counter and asked us not read a certain page. As parents when your child tells you not to read something, that is the first page you turn to. Without going into detail, there was some stuff on that page that had us concerned.
We immediately contacted her therapist and she told us to watch her closely and call to get the results on the evaluation first thing in the morning.
Thankfully, there was not much of a wait, I was able to get the results on Tuesday the 15th.
Between the results, the psychiatrist, the therapist and our family doctor we decided that it was best that we immediately take Raven up to Primary Children's and have her be seen in the emergency room. Once there, they talked to her and me and it was determined that we needed to admit her to the psychiatric unit.
THIS WAS THE HARDEST DECISION THAT WE AS PARENTS HAVE EVER HAD TO MAKE!!!
My goal was for her to not feel like we were abandoning her, because that was not the case.
We explained to her why we were doing it and that it was all about her safety and well being.
I cried, she cried and her dad cried.
I promised to be back the following morning for a therapy session with her and then we had to leave her. I walked out to the car, puked and cried and puked some more.
I looked at Joe and said, "What the hell did we just do? We just made our daughter feel like we didn't want her!" Joe then said, "We just save our daughters life, that is what we did. She will eventually understand why we made the decision."
I cried the whole way home.
I didn't sleep the entire night.
I got up early the next morning and tried to keep the other kids schedule as normal as I could.
I took them to school and then I headed up to Salt Lake for a therapy session.
I walked in and Raven saw me and came running.
She clung to me and I told her that I would never abandon her and then I got down on my knees and said, "I'm so sorry Raven."
She responded with, "It's ok, mom, you did what you had to do to save me."
We had our therapy session and then I had to go home. I promised her that we would all be up there that night to see her.
This routine went on for 6 days. I made the trip up there 9 times in 6 days. Every other day I had to go up twice a day.
It was the longest six days of our lives.
Joe and I both went up on the 21st for a session with Raven and we found out that we would be able to take her home that day. I was so relieved that she would be home for Thanksgiving and that we would have the Thanksgiving break to re-integrate her back into our day to day lives before throwing her back into school.
She did go to school Monday and I told her that if I needed to come get her, I would, but so far she has made it through the entire day every day this week.
I do know that she has a couple of triggers where she has had to walk out of the classroom and get a drink and then she goes right back into class.
I am so thankful that our school is so understanding and able to work with us in the needs of our kids.
So this Holiday season, I am so thankful for our little eternal family.
I am thankful that our kids are able to trust us enough to come to us when they are having struggles.
I am thankful for my husband holding the priesthood and being able to administer blessings to our children and me even.
I am thankful that our children are comfortable enough to come to their dad and ask for a blessing when they need one.
I am thankful for friends and family and the support they gave during this very difficult time in our lives.
Most of all, I am thankful that Raven is on the road to healing. (No she did not harm herself)
She has a lot of pent up anger that she needs to work through.
My hope and prayer is that she will be able to realize that she is good enough, that she is loved, that she is very much wanted. Her dad and I chose her to be in our family and we love her and will always be here for her.
She clung to me and I told her that I would never abandon her and then I got down on my knees and said, "I'm so sorry Raven."
She responded with, "It's ok, mom, you did what you had to do to save me."
We had our therapy session and then I had to go home. I promised her that we would all be up there that night to see her.
This routine went on for 6 days. I made the trip up there 9 times in 6 days. Every other day I had to go up twice a day.
It was the longest six days of our lives.
Joe and I both went up on the 21st for a session with Raven and we found out that we would be able to take her home that day. I was so relieved that she would be home for Thanksgiving and that we would have the Thanksgiving break to re-integrate her back into our day to day lives before throwing her back into school.
She did go to school Monday and I told her that if I needed to come get her, I would, but so far she has made it through the entire day every day this week.
I do know that she has a couple of triggers where she has had to walk out of the classroom and get a drink and then she goes right back into class.
I am so thankful that our school is so understanding and able to work with us in the needs of our kids.
So this Holiday season, I am so thankful for our little eternal family.
I am thankful that our kids are able to trust us enough to come to us when they are having struggles.
I am thankful for my husband holding the priesthood and being able to administer blessings to our children and me even.
I am thankful that our children are comfortable enough to come to their dad and ask for a blessing when they need one.
I am thankful for friends and family and the support they gave during this very difficult time in our lives.
Most of all, I am thankful that Raven is on the road to healing. (No she did not harm herself)
She has a lot of pent up anger that she needs to work through.
My hope and prayer is that she will be able to realize that she is good enough, that she is loved, that she is very much wanted. Her dad and I chose her to be in our family and we love her and will always be here for her.
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