This was the best decision that we made one year ago. Even though it broke my heart at the time, I also know it was the right decision for our family. The stress that was caused by having contact with this particular side of the kids birth family was not worth it. I am so thankful for the ones that we do still have contact with that show us respect and abide by our rules.

This was what a wrote a year ago...

When we first started this adoption process 8 years ago, we always knew that we wanted to have an open adoption. That was our hope and dreams. We were in hopes ...that our kids would have the best of both worlds. Yes, that would have been more likely had we adopted a new born, but we didn't. We adopted children that were older and we do not regret that decision by any means, but I wish I would have had more information on how to handle the birth family of these older children and then I could have made a more educated decision from the beginning. I never imagined that it would be this hard. It just breaks my heart. I am crying as I am typing this because it hurts so bad that I even had to write the "BREAK UP" letter to my kids birth mom's family.

I am just exhausted trying to maintain a relationship with people who say that they want contact, but then don't show it by their actions. My heart is just BREAKING!!!!

Clearly our kids wear school uniforms more than they wear regular clothes.

This is Carson's closet.

This week has been a struggle.

Not just with the kids, but myself.

I have been feeling unappreciated and unwanted around here lately.

I feel trapped in child land with no real adult interaction.

Joe does karate so much that he gets plenty of adult interaction, but I don't have anything.

Yes, I do some crafty things, but it always ends up somehow involving kids.

I miss my treadmill, but once again, I stopped doing it because I was constantly being interrupted.

Yes, I have time to myself when the things are in school, but even then I really don't. We always have some appointment going on or I am getting calls from the school because one kid or another needs something or a kid is getting in trouble.

I am the meal planner, the grocery shopper, the laundry doer, the housekeeper, the referee, the driver, the go to for everything person.

If I didn't have a schedule on my phone, we would all be screwed in this house.

Because of all of this, I have been feeling a ton of anger towards Joe's karate and him going out back and working on the shed. I just want Joe to take the kids and keep them from interrupting whatever I am doing to recharge myself.

A couple of weeks ago, I tried going to the neighbors house for adult time and every single one of the girls found me. I didn't even tell the kids where I was going. I figured Joe knew where I was and that is all that mattered. When I brought this to the attention of the kids and Joe, Quynsie said, "well mom, it isn't that hard to figure out where you are. You are either at the next door neighbor's or you are at Bethany's house."

My response to that was well, next time, I will make sure we leave the neighborhood so that I can't be found by children.

Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and love being a wife and a mother, but there are times when we moms need a break as well, especially when we are stay at home moms.

Joe has been known to say to me, "You wanted this life now deal with it."

You're right, I did want this life and I still do, but I also need some adult time as well or at the very least 20 minutes of me time to run on my treadmill.

Now don't let this post fool you, Joe is a great dad and husband. Sometimes, he just isn't as in tune with my feelings and needs as I would like

We are actually in therapy ourselves so that we can learn how to communicate our needs better and learn how to parent our kids now that we are entering into the teenage world and our kids are growing up. Every stage has been different and every child has been different in these stages.

There are times that we forget that our kids are not the same as the other and we can't parent them the same either. They are individuals and that requires individual parenting to fit their personalities and needs.

Anyway, we are working on things. Here is to a better second half of the week.