I woke up so emotionally drained I'm finding it hard to even continue packing. I know we need to in order for the house to sell but dang yesterday was such a blow to the chest. Please keep praying.

I go from being really angry, to feeling that things will work out, to being angry again. I know when I am feeling angry, my chest tightens and I start to have a panic attack. It really sucks.


I think we have done this before. I was hoping we wouldn't have to do this. I was hoping we could move the boxes from the house to the uhal. This is what the shop looked like 6 1/2 years ago when we moved here.

 
Both of these would for sure fix my horrible no good very bad weekend.

We took time away from the house after moving boxes outside and went looking for a car for Joe. He really is sick of paying for the gas that it takes to get to and from work in his truck. We really need to get a car that gets great gas mileage, but is cheap enough for us to pay cash for it. We have no desire to have another car payment. Our van payment is enough. We have worked so hard to get ourselves out of debt in the last couple of years, that having another car payment just does not sound reasonable at this time. I believe the only debt we have is our house, our van and my student loans. If we don't have the money, we just don't get it, simple as that.
No we did not find one today, but we are hopeful that we will soon.


I sure hope that the is relief soon on this house front because I am not sure how much more heartache I can take.


With it being General Conference this weekend, I think it is appropriate for me to share my testimony.
I do fully sustain President Thomas S. Monson. He is a prophet of God and I strive to follow his words of wisdom. I know that he communicates directly with Heavenly Father and he is following his council and then he directs that message to us.
I know that the book of Mormon is true. I know that Joseph Smith was a true Prophet of God. I know that Jesus sacrificed for us so that we could make mistakes and learn from them and then repent. He took those burdens on himself for us. I know this Church is true and I am so thankful for the choices I have made to commit myself to our Father in Heaven and to raise our family in the Gospel.


 

I am so in love with our kids that I cannot imagine life without them. They are so resilient and have come so far in the past 3 years. I honestly cannot remember what life was like before the kids. Apparently, it was not worth remembering.

 

 

Easter egg coloring fun. We did the rice technique and the whipped cream technique.

 
Joe and Nadia are in Heaven. Their karate weapons came in the mail today. Joe has been doing karate and been a black belt since long before I met him. He has always had this dream to teach karate to others as well. He has finally achieved that dream and has been teaching for the past couple of months. Nadia is the only one of our kids that is even interested right now. We also have 3 other students besides Nadia and because of this, we finally had to invest in enough weapons for all of the students to use.


Yes!!!! I have had to learn a ton of patience. You have to understand, that I did not have much to begin with, but then you add 12 years of just Joe and I before kids and I have had to let some of my o.c.d. habits go because other wise I will go crazy. For example, it used to drive me absolutely insane when the kids would put their clothes on the hangers the wrong way. I have to have all of the shirts facing the same direction with the curve of the hanger going the same way. I was starting to lose my patience with being the sole person to do laundry so I had to let this o.c.d. go and now the kids fold their own laundry. Another example is that when Carson decides that he is just going to be lazy and not go to the bathroom and then messes his pants, this seriously makes me crazy and I have lost my patience often with this, but our doctor explained to me that he is testing me to see how far he can push me. Basically he is seeing if he can do the most absurd thing and see if we are going to stick around. He is looking for you to get upset and if we stop feeding into that, the behavior will stop. Or so we hope.


Joe has been really trying to teach Carson how to respect women especially me as his mom and his sisters. Carson has none to very little respect for women and more specifically, me. I think the reason it is more directed towards me is because I am with him the majority of the time. Joe has been known to tell Carson: "This is my wife and you will not talk to her or treat her like that, you will respect her."
I am so thankful that I have a husband who respects women and strives to teach our son how to as well. We know that he is listening because every once in awhile he will open my car door for me and my ultimate favorite one is that he will kiss me on the cheek as he gets out of the car in the morning for school. I seriously hope that this never ends. I hope that he will never be embarrassed by kissing his mom goodbye.