We tell our kids all of the time that they are not allowed to use being in foster care or being adopted as an excuse not to succeed in life. We tell them all of the time that they can be and do anything they put their mind to. We are here to push and guide them to be their best. We want them to believe in themselves like we believe in them.

 

I am sure that this part of the post is going to be controversial, but it needs to be said.

People always tell me to not worry about our kids birthparents, but the truth is, how can you not?

I mean, we were mentoring them through the reunification process. We may not have built the best relationship, but enough that we do still care. We pray that they are safe, healthy and happy. Everyone makes mistakes in their lives, some bigger than others, but it doesn't mean that they are not worthy of Heavenly Fathers love and forgiveness. One day, I hope that we can move past some of the issues and start to build a relationship with our birthparents, but right now, we are not in a place that we are able

 to devote our time to worrying constantly about our kids birthparents as we do have 4 children that are in severe need of our attention right now.

There are times when I think we are moving past some serious issues and making progress and then BAM!!!! we are hit with another issue or even the same issue again.

For example: Raven is going through puberty right now which brings out all sorts of issues with self esteem, confidence and other things on top of her past abuse

and you have a nightmare waiting to happen. Then you have a little sister that thinks it is funny to tease you about it and that doesn't help either.

Another example: Carson came to us pretty much potty trained and has only had a few accidents up until about 3 months ago. Now he is constantly peeing or pooping his pants.

We are not sure why the regression is happening besides the fact that we are moving and right now our lives are being lived in the unknown. We don't know the exact date that we are moving and we are living out of boxes so to speak. Most of the kids toys are packed and so are most of their clothes except their school uniforms and a few outfits, pjs and underwear and socks. Carson just doesn't care about consequences period.

Another example: Quynsie was doing amazing in math and school. She is on the national honor society, she was on the 7th grade basketball team and was going to math lab every day after school to make sure that she kept her grades up. In the past month or so, she stopped going and kept telling me that she was completing her homework in class and didn't need to stay after. I had no reason not to believe her because she had been doing so well. Well this past Friday she came out of the school crying and I asked her what was wrong and she told me that she has an "F" in math. I stuck my hand out and she knew exactly what I wanted, her phone. I didn't say a word, I wanted her to think about things before I started asking questions. She worked hard on Friday to make up her assignments that she had not turned in and now her grade is back up to a "C". She still has a couple of assignments that she needs to make up and redo a test. I knew that taking her phone would be a bigger punishment that me lecturing her.

Nadia has found a way to channel her negative energy. She has karate as her outlet. Being that their dad teaches it, they have all had the opportunity and will continue to have the opportunity to participate, but Nadia seems to be the only one that is interested. Carson is interested, but we are afraid that he will use it the wrong way right now, so we are waiting until he is a bit older and understands that he cannot go to school and beat on other kids.

I guess what I am getting at is that yes, we think of our birthparents often and so do the kids. They love their birthparents and we have never asked them not to, in fact, we encourage it, but we do not allow it to consume our lives because these kids need to move on and heal.

It takes years for foster/adopted kids to move past things and start to heal. It is not something that happens over night. It has been a trial and error trying to find things for the kids to do to get their frustration out.

 

This has been a huge topic in our home for the last little while since we were preparing Nadia for baptism.

This also goes for the above comments. There is always a way back to our Heavenly Father no matter how bad you mess up.

 

We are not moving because of the size of our house. We are moving so the kids have a proper yard and neighborhood to play in. Yes, our new home will be a bit bigger, but the main thing was the layout and the flow of things will fit our needs much better.

I feel that we are doing a great job making sure our home feels like a happy home. We laugh often. The kids are healthy and happy. There is not a day that goes by that I do not hear one of the kids say to each other I love you. They are just happy to be together and not split up.

 

Carson got a bolo tie from grandpa Davis tonight when we were over to his house for his birthday.