I know that this is our house but it still doesn't feel real. We love the space inside of the house and outside. So far the ward and neighbors and snakes (yuck)have been extremely welcoming. The snakes more than I would like. I think they have overstayed their welcome. I was getting out of the car this morning after taking kids to school and one scared the crap out of me in the little flower bed by the driveway.

But, watching my kids play outside without the worry or fear of them being hit by a car warms my heart. So thankful to be able to give our kids a safe home and neighborhood to live in. We are truly blessed.

 

Since Thursday evening this is how I have felt.

I seriously do not know how to bond with our 13 year old. She is really testing our patience right now. She is putting up walls and pushing us away. Bonding with Raven, Nadia and Carson has been so much easier than with Quynsie. For one they were younger and not set in their own ways. Quynsie is used to being the boss, the mom, and doing whatever she wants when she wants and she doesn't get to do any of these things here. She is not the parent, she is the child and we want her to enjoy being a kid. She needs to ask permission before doing things and she is not liking this by any means. She is causing issues with her sisters by telling them things that are not true and the girls look up to her so much that they believe everything that she says.

We are trying to teach Quynsie that her sisters look up to her so much and value her opinion, but she can't be mean about her opinion, she needs to be nice and choose her words carefully. For example, yesterday, Nadia picked out an outfit and then went and asked Quynsie, her big sister, for her opinion. She basically told Nadia that she looked ridiculous and so we gave her some suggestions like, maybe you could have said, Nadia, let me help you, or can I help you pick something different type things.

 I went to Quynsie's band concert on Thursday while I left Joe and everyone else home moving and when I got to the school, Raven's teacher pulled me aside and said that she failed her math test again because she was rushing again. This happens every time there is a math test. We are not sure why she thinks she needs to rush through the tests because she does just fine on the assignments and homework. Then when I walked into the auditorium I saw that Quynsie had a drink that I knew she did not get from school, so I pulled her aside and asked her where she got it from and she said the gas station. I asked how she got there and she said that she walked with a couple of her friends. I asked who gave her permission and she said Mr. Grady. (Her band teacher). Anyway I told her that we would deal with it later after her concert. I called her dad on our way home and let him know that I was not in the best mood after the evenings events.

Anyway, Quynsie has had a serious attitude since then because instead of taking her phone away we locked everything so that she can only use it to call. She can't text or get on the internet. Saturday was fine, but yesterday she took all of her bad attitude out on me and her sisters. She didn't even talk to me most of the day. (Yep, happy mothers day to me). The stupid thing is that her dad was the one who handed out the consequence, I was the one that followed through with the consequence, but I was the bad one for whatever reason. Anyway, we were finally able to talk last night about things because we had family here helping us unpack and then we had family dinner here so we were not able to talk earlier in the day about things.

 We get and understand that because we are feeling stressed that the kids are feeling our stress level and are acting out more so than normal. I am hoping that we resolved some issues and that things will get better now that we are moved and getting settled.

The point of this move was not only for safety and a bigger house, it was also to give everyone a fresh start. The kids have made comments in the past that they did not feel like our other house was theirs, so they didn't feel like it was home. We allowed them to have some input on picking houses and they went with us to look at them because we wanted them to feel that they were a part of the decision making and that it was also their home. I am hopeful that all of the drama of packing and dejunking things has calmed down because they were not wanting to pack anything because they were afraid that their stuff was not going to follow them wherever they were going as this has happened many times in their lives. They talk often of certain things that they have lost from either moving from place to place or going into foster care. Most of the time they only come with the clothes on their backs. We were lucky they did come with a few things, but they didn't fit them. They were also afraid that dad and mom was not going with them either.

They now know that their stuff can go with them and mom and dad are not leaving them. We will always be here for them. Yes, they are going to grow up and move away at some point, but they will always know this is home and they can come back at any time.

Now that I have rambled on and on...

I want you all to see that we are just like any other family. We have our struggles and great times. This post is about raw, true feelings of the past few days. Joe and I are not perfect parents and in fact, we are really struggling right now. We are not sure how to knock some of our 13 year olds walls down so that we can reach her and bond with her. It is trial and error and I mean error more often than not.

We love everyone of our kids and if we didn't we wouldn't be trying so hard to figure things out. We are so blessed that Heavenly Father has chosen us to be their parents. We know that He would not give us more than we can handle even though at times, it feels like it is more than we can handle. He is very mindful of our hearts, needs and wants, they just are not going to come on our time. We have to be patient and wait for those answers, and sometimes those answers are not what we were expecting or wanting, but it is what God wants for us.

We have a plan in place to hopefully make our summer vacation go as planned and smooth without much issues or attitude with all of the kids. I am waiting to put it into place until after school ends, unless things get worse between now and then.

This has also been really hard on me because I am missing my best friend Camilla who was able to give the best advise on how to handle things, but with the time difference and things that are going on right now, it seems like I just can't find the right time to call her. I miss you so much Camilla.