Carson working out at O.T. today. I wish I could say that this was doing him any good, but it's not and I am frustrated. We have been going to O.T. for almost two years and I feel like we have not made much progress.






This is Raven's xrays from today. She has been diagnosed with a slight scoliosis, but not too severe. It is really mild at this point. I am thankful for Raven's birth dad letting us know that he was diagnosed and to have her checked. I am hoping that with some physical therapy that she will be able to strengthen the muscles in her back around the spine to prevent it from progressing any further. I think we are very lucky and blessed that we caught it when we did.


Raven's first private violin lesson was today. I sure do love her teacher. Her teacher is actually the orchestra teacher at the school who was teaching the summer class that Raven took. She will also be Raven's orchestra teacher during the year. I think it will be well worth the money. I wish we would have been able to do private lessons for Quynsie when she first started playing the flute, but we just didn't know how to go about it, but she is doing really well now, so I don't think private lessons would benefit her at this point.


Not sure about these glasses yet, but she loves them! Apparently, hipster is back in. These are Quynsie's new glasses that we were able to pick up today. We are not sure why Raven's didn't come in since we ordered them at the same time, but I am sure they will be here soon.


Cousin's hanging out while dad/uncle finishes teaching karate class. This is our niece Jazmine hanging out with Quynsie. They are only a couple of months apart in age. Thanks for all of your help with Carson tonight Jaz, I love you.


Oh Lord have mercy. See what I mean? You can't leave Carson alone for a second or he is getting into trouble.
 I'm glad I checked the bathroom because Carson had been out of the shower for 15 minutes and he purposely blocked the drain and left the water running. When asked why he did it he said I didn't think you would notice. After explaining that it was naughty I turned my back for just a second and he ran back into the bathroom put the plug back in and turned the water on again. This time I was able to stop him because I heard the water turn on. I am seriously at the end of my rope. 
 I am doing everything in my power to get him the help he needs. I take him to 2 different kinds of therapy he is on medication he gets all of my attention good or bad he doesn't care as long as I'm not paying attention to someone else. Don't get me wrong we have our good moments but the last 2 days have been a nightmare. Here is to hoping his new medication helps in some way. If not I think I may be seeking highly skilled people who specifically specializes in his diagnosis'.

This was not the only episode today. This morning, he was refusing to put on his seatbelt, and then another time, I was driving down the road and when Nadia didn't answer him right when he wanted her to, he unbuckled and climbed back into the very back of the van and acted like he was going to punch her. I of course stopped and rebuckled him and when we got to our destination, we went into the store where he continued to be disruptive and disrespectful. We were in a music store trying to get Raven the things she needed for her private lessons and he was just outrageous. On the way out of the store, I was holding his hand because I knew that he would run from me if I didn't and we were on main street and it is very busy, so I was not going to take my chances. Anyway, he decided that hitting me, biting me, digging me, scratching me and punching me was going to get him what he wanted. Guess what not only did it not get him what he wanted, but it also earned him a trip to the police department to have an office come out and talk to him about the importance of wearing his seat belt and what would happen if he keeps going down this path he is choosing to take, he may end up in jail. He could run, but eventually they would catch up to him. On the way into the parking lot, I thought that maybe we broke down a barrier with him, but when we left, he was calm and said that it didn't scare him enough to get him to stop. And sure enough, as you can see from the above picture, he really didn't care.

Before bed tonight, we sat all of the kids down, the girls lined up in front of Carson with him facing his sisters and we let his sisters explain to him how it is making them feel that they don't get any attention from mom or dad because all of our attention is on him at all times because we can't trust him. He started to cry when Nadia started to cry, so I hope that he thinks about that the next time I am trying to attend to something with his sisters.
I really don't want his sisters to resent him or hate him because he took all of our attention and they got none.

I am also tired of everyone babying him and doing things for him and letting him have his way just because he throws a tantrum. Guess what? The law has been laid down and put into place a couple of weeks ago and he is not liking it at all. He tries to manipulate his sisters into doing things for him, but they have started saying, sorry Carson, but I can't help you, you have to do it yourself, your a big boy.
We should have cracked down on this a long time ago, but lets be honest, we were just as bad and did the same thing, but I started to notice that it was actually hurting him in the long run that actually helping him. We as parents are here to teach our kids how to be successful and if we are not holding the kids responsible for their actions then they are never going to learn. If I ask him to fold his clothes and he chooses not to do it, eventually I would do it for him, NOT anymore!!! He is a big boy and I know that he knows how to do it.
He is so smart that it is getting him in trouble and causing things to be worse.
We changed his medication back to the one that he was first originally on, we loved it, but at the time he could not take the pill form and they stopped making the liquid form so we switched him to a different one and it is not working like we would've hoped. So back to the original one it is and they are adding a mood stabilizer on with it so hopefully that will help in him being so high sensory processing seeking. His therapist even told me today that he has never seen a case that is this bad. Now remember this therapist is a well sought after therapist, hard to get into and well respected, and he is telling me that he is stumped and doesn't know what to do either.
I have a call into another therapist, who we have seen in the past, asking for some advice on where to turn to and possibly finding someone who specifically specializes in the things we are dealing with. I don't care how far I have to travel as long as he is getting the help he needs.
I have faith and hope that we will eventually be able to figure it out, but in the mean time, I am exhausted and frustrated. We love this kid with everything we have, and we want nothing more than to see him succeed in life and be the best that he can be. We don't want to see him follow in the same footsteps as his birth parents did. He is capable of so much more. He is so dang smart and I know that he could be something and do something amazing with his life, if we can find the right combination of treatment to help with that.

Raising traumatized children is exhausting, but so WORTH every bit of it. We love all of our kids to the moon and back. We will do whatever we have to for them. We want them to know that we trying and that they are very much loved and oh so wanted in our family.
We love these kids so much that it breaks my heart that they are struggling right now with some difficult things. They are now older and are understanding more and more about the things they went through before being able to come to their forever home.

We have a moto in our home and it is:
You can do hard things. We know that you can do hard things because you had to go through so much pain before coming to our home. God knew that you could handle it. So you can do hard things.