How do you get a 10 yr old to believe in herself and know she is worth it?

 Because she is adopted she feels like she is not worth it because she thinks her birth mom didn't want her. We have explained to her many times that her birth mom DOES love her and DID want her but she got caught up in the disease called drugs and alcohol and because of that she just couldn't parent.

 

I don't think Raven has ever taken the time to process things and go through the grieving process up until now. She spent the first 3 years going to a therapist that just could not get her to talk, but since we switched therapists, she has opened up and let her thoughts and feelings be known.

 

Today was the icing on the cake. I have heard my kids tell me that they hate me, especially Carson, so it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. I am able to say back, "I have heard that one before." But today Raven told me that she was tired of me telling her what to do because I am not her "real" mom.

I'll admit, it stung bad, but I took the time to calmly talk to her and ask her what she thought a "real" mom is and her answer was "someone who gives birth to you". I responded back with, "that is called a birth mom". A "real" mom is someone who takes care of you, raises you, protects you, loves you unconditionally, etc. is what a real mom is. By all that is in me, I am your "real" mom.

 

We always knew that that statement would eventually come out, but it still does not take the sting out of hearing it.

 

Later, she did come and apologize and gave me a hug and said, that I am her "real" mom and always will be. She also said that she has been testing us to see if we would leave her just like everyone else has in her life. We have told her that no matter what happens in life and how mad she makes us, we will always be here for her and will always love her no matter what.

 

Like I said, I think she has been in denial for so long that she is finally coming to grips with things and knows that she is not going anywhere no matter what she does.

She wants to make sure we will still love her if she makes mistakes. I think this past week has proven to her that we were not going anywhere.

 

 

I think I need to also put this up on our door where the kids can see it often.

Every time we tell Raven that she is worth it, she starts to cry and says, "how do you know that I am worth it, when my own birth mom didn't want me". It completely breaks my heart because I know without a shadow of a doubt that their birth mom does love them, but again, drugs and alcohol does nasty things to you.

 

Carson is on a level Q in reading and we are only 3 weeks into 1st grade. He will be through the entire alphabet before the middle of 1st grade if he keeps reading like he is. Way to go son!

 

Quynsie started knee rehab today. She messed her knee up 3 years ago jumping on a trampoline while with her birth dad. We never did anything about it until it kept getting inflamed, then I took her to the doctor about it. I am hoping that volleyball does not mess it up even more. I hate to tell her that she can't play because she has wanted to play for awhile now.

 

Our own personal pedicurist. She is massaging mine and grammy's feet.

 

Nadia, well, she is staying clear of the radar right now. She is doing awesome in school and we don't usually have much of an issue with her except in the car when she can't keep her hands to herself. She is going to be starting piano lessons this week and she is really excited about that.