I went in to wake up Carson to get him ready for school and this is how I found him. Sleeping sideways with his feet hanging off the bed.

I'm impressed even with great grandma and grandpa at our house the kids went to bed last night without much of a fight and they got up and got ready without any hassle. It was 7:30 and Grandma and grandpa were gone and we were all up and ready for school.

I had to walk Raven into school this morning because of yesterday, Joe and I decided that Raven was not going to be going on a field trip today, but we were not willing to let her stay home either. She went to school, sat in another class for half the day doing busy work and had to clean windows and the lunch room the rest of the day.

The assistant principal sent this picture to me. She was not a happy child, but again, I hope she learned her lesson.

 

I feel bad that she had to miss the field trip, but I knew that if I caved and let her go, she would not learn her lesson. I hope she thought long and hard about her actions and how important it is to take responsibility for her actions. She has been in our home long enough that we have instilled better morals in her and she knows it is wrong.

She is really struggling right now and I am not sure what else I can do besides loving her, taking her to therapy and giving her consequences for her bad behavior.

I have been close to tears all day just thinking about how bad my heart hurts for my baby. I cannot believe how much dirty nasty things they have witnessed and have been taught at the hands of their birth parents, the ones that they were supposed to be able to trust. Because of this lack of trust that they have with their birth family, we have struggled with our kids trusting us. In their minds they are thinking, well I couldn't trust my birth parents, so why should I trust you not to lead us astray?

I made a comment the other day that I wanted to go visit a friend out of state by myself for a couple of days and they all lost it. They thought I would not come back. This has always been an issue and that is why I quit working. They didn't trust that I was going to come back after work everyday. Yes, I did work for the first year of having them, but it was really hard on everyone. They got to see that mom can leave and she will come back, but they don't trust that if I leave for a few days that I will be back.

I am writing all of this for a couple of reasons:

1. To get my frustrations out

2. For my kids to read when they are older so they understand what struggles we have had, but we made it through.

3. (MOST IMPORTANT) For their birth family to be able to see how the kids are doing even if it is me telling about our struggles.

4. In hopes that others will read this and maybe it will help them to be able to make better choices when it comes to doing harmful things to their kids.

This picture was taken 2 years ago. It popped up on my facebook timeline and it was taken on this day 2 years ago. Look how little that boy is!!! It was his first day of homeschool (preschool) and now he is a big 1st grader.

Our basement is coming along. I am really excited with how things are turning out. Joe, my dad, brother and brother in law are putting up the last few pieces of sheet rock tonight.

Joe will be gone most of the day tomorrow so I am not sure if he is going to work on the room or not, but hopefully in the next couple of weeks, we will be able to move Raven into her room.