I don't know how much more fighting I can do for this kid. It seems like I have run out of options... all I can do is hope he makes great strides with the behavior specialist at the school.

I had a meeting at the school this morning for Carson on how we can better help him in school.

My biggest issue is he needs help behavioral wise.

I think we are onto something as far as school goes.

Now to get help at home.

We are looking into a few different things and one of them is having a behavioral therapist work with us on a day to day basis, as needed. For example going to the store.

Nadia wanted an up do in her hair for school tomorrow, but I don't have time for that in the mornings so I did it tonight. We shall see how well it holds up through the night and how much fixing will need to be done.

August 26, 2016

Saturday daddy and kids activity.

They wrote letters to their favorite Disney character.

Yep, another home depot trip.

This trip was one of the most peaceful trips.

This is how I drive Joe's car...All windows down and the sunroof open all of the way.

I was also by myself.

August 25, 2016

Volleyball game in Gunnison.

This time I went by myself.

All three teams lost.

August 24, 2016

We are at primary children's and Poor Nadia had such a full bladder she was crying. They measured the bladder and then had her go pee and then came back to measure it again and they made her go pee again because it was still way to full. Nadia was like I don't need to pee anymore. We may have just found a clue to this problem of fevers.

She does not feel the need to go pee.

They think it is trauma based.

She has had so much trauma in her short life that she legitimately does not feel the need to pee.

The feelings/pain of the trauma is much stronger than needing to pee so she has held her pee in for so long that she now has a bladder the size of an adult or bigger.

Ugh...just one more thing to add to her list of trauma issues, as if she doesn't already have enough to work through.

Lunch date with mommy and Nadia.

Olive Garden!!!

While waiting to see the Urologist, Nadia drew this picture.

Our game plan for right now is to retrain her to go to the bathroom more. That means pee and poop.

We go back in 3 months for a check up.

On the way home...She is all tuckered out.

We literally spent the entire day up there at the hospital.

We were up there by 10 and didn't get home until around 4.

While up at Primary Children's I got this Text from Carson's teacher: (we started his new medication today):

Carson has done all work asked of him and he as stayed in his seat all morning long. He has been wearing his vest all morning as well his choice.

Then a little after 1, I got another one telling me that he had fallen asleep.

I will consider this a successful day at school.

August 23, 2016

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY (JOE)!!!

Today is Joe's birthday. He is 38 years old.

We are pushing the 40's!!! That makes me feel old!!!

Ok, so Joe is pushing the 40's more than I am.

I just turned 35 in April.

This man works so hard for our family and he does it so that I can be a stay at home mom and be there for the kids. He comes home from a long day of work and still finds time to play with the kids. He doesn't get a lot of one on one time with them, but he tries.

Not only was it Joe's birthday, it was also Quynsie's First Freshman Volleyball Game.

We checked the younger kids out early and we headed up to Ogden to watch her game.

They did not win, but that is ok. They played their best and had fun doing it.

The JV team won.

The Varsity team lost.

Every little slit in Carson's wall and door was made today during a time out in his room. 10 minutes people, 10 minutes is all he was in there.

I was cooking dinner so I did not hear the banging on the walls. But again, he bangs on the walls so often that sometimes I don't realize he is even doing it until its to late.

Carson has some serious impulse control problems.

Our doctor has now suggested that he see a psychiatrist. I started that process today.

He will see the psychiatrist tomorrow morning. Hopefully we can figure out why he is the most happiest boy and within seconds he explodes. The explosions are getting worse.

I have to make it known that I am trying to do everything in my power to get this boy the help he needs. I love my kids so much that I will do just about anything for them. I will drive wherever I need to in order to get them the best possible help and care.

I work very closely with the school in order to get extra services in the school.

I take Carson to O.T. twice a month.

I take Carson to regular therapy every week.

I am now taking him to a psychiatrist for evaluation.

I take the girls to therapy once a week.

I have sought out community help trying to find different programs that will help us.

I don't want my kids to ever feel like they are a bad kid because they are GREAT kids.

They just have a traumatic background and they don't know how to deal with that.

I want my kids to have a successful future. I want them to be happy and able to find ways to get their frustrations out in a healthy way.

I love my kids more than anything. I fought so hard and for so long to have kids, but lets be honest, this is so much harder than I ever imagined.

I would not trade my kids for anything. I don't care what the struggles are, we WILL get through it together as a family.

We made it through the first week of school.

It has been crazy busy trying to get back into a routine.

Not only are we trying to get into a routine, we are trying to get into a routine that involves volleyball and lots of travel. I am left to rely on my mom a lot more again. Something I am not happy about, but I don't know what else to do. I can only be in one place at a time.

I also can't pull the little kids from school all of the time just to travel to these games.

We already miss enough school with doctor appointments and therapy appointments.

My goal was for them to not miss as much school this year, but we are already off to a bad start.

Carson was late twice last week for therapy and it was only week one.

Joe's birthday is Tuesday and since we will be on the road to Ogden for Quynsie's first volleyball game, we decided to go to Joe's favorite restaurant for his birthday yesterday.

Demolition Derby 2016

This year we took the kids with us.

Carson is so animated when talking about it.

Raven and Nadia loved it.

Quynsie not so much. (She is a teenager)

August 16, 2016

Happy 16th wedding Anniversary to us!!!

Monday August 15, 2016

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

Quynsie 9th grade

Carson 2nd grade

Raven 6th grade

Nadia 4th grade

I am not ready to have a high school student. When did that happen?

My baby is not a baby anymore. He is in the 2nd grade.

This is Raven's last year in elementary school.

Nadia hadn't even started school when we first got the kids and now she is a 4th grader.

Stop growing up children.

August 14, 2016...Last weekend of Summer

Sunday

Bartholomew Reservoir.

Family dinner.

Watermelon contest.

Playing in the water.

Good way to end summer vacation for us anyway.

All of the cousins (on both sides of the family) still have one more week before they go back.

Joe was able to give all of the kids a father's blessing. He also gave me a blessing.

He wanted us all to start the school year off right.

He wanted to make sure that we all felt the spirit and knew that our Heavenly Father is mindful of us and our trials. He reminded each of us that we can kneel and turn to our Father in Heaven in prayer and he will help guide us on those rough days. He blessed us all with patience.

Saturday

Quynsie's first set of scriptures. she starts seminary Monday. someone please tell me when that happened? when did I become old enough for a 9th grader? #goinginstyle

We had a visit with Quynsie's birth dad after our family reunion.

I am so thankful that he is in a good place and is healthy.

He is very respectful of Joe and I as the parents.

He did not get mad about Quynsie calling him Michael and Joe dad.

Joe and I just sat back and watched the kids play and have fun with Michael.

Friday

I'm not trying to call anyone out here, but it was brought to my attention that I shouldn't allow my kids to throw tantrums in public.
1. In today's cases, this morning was at a fast food place with one child losing their crap. I immediately left and brought said child home to calm down.
2. A couple of hours later I decided everyone seemed to be in better spirts so I attempted to go to Walmart to get Quynsie some things for volleyball. After I had gotten what I needed I was standing in line at the checkout and left Quynsie to pay for the stuff while I took the other three kids to the car because one of them was completely out of control kicking me and calling me nasty names.

3. Yes, I tried taking them out the second time because if I don't keep trying to teach them how to act in public how else are they going to learn?

4. I don't always have a babysitter and sometimes like today, Quynsie had to go with me in order to try stuff on and when I take her, all of the kids must go (can't trust the other three to stay home by themselves, plus they are too young to stay home alone).

5. My opinion is this.... If my child is tantruming in public, I don't usually have an issue with it until there is physical harm to another person or themselves and they ate not destroying the store. As soon as one of these things happen, we are out of there. Every kid is going to throw a fit when they don't get what they want or the results they were looking for and yes sometimes this happens in public.

6. I am also raising traumatized children. One of which is autistic, has sensory disorder and is extremely oppositional defiant. This child thrives on an audience watching his disrespect towards everyone. The therapist keeps telling me to take this child out in public to help teach them how to behave.

7. I'm sorry, but I can only stay home in seclusion for so long. Things need to get done and sometimes that means talking my tantruming child out in public.

ALL ABOUT QUYNSIE

SHE MADE THE JV VOLLEYBALL TEAM!!!

Go lady Eagles.

I am so proud of this kid.

She has really come into her own.

She wanted to make the team so bad that she worked so hard during practices and then the tryouts.

She has a ton of spunk and a big personality.

I am so excited for her.

I am so thankful to be her mom.

I am proud to call her my daughter.

Love you Quynsie!!!

Tomorrow is the day...the day we find out if Quynsie makes the junior varsity volleyball team.

It is selection day.

Even if she doesn't make the junior varsity team, she will still be able to play co-ed again this year, so it is not like she will completely miss out on volleyball.

She really wants to be on the team...so much so, she asked her dad to give her a father's blessing.

Dear Son,

Please do not cut your hair again. I finally was able to cut it the way I have wanted to for so long.

The similarities are amazing.

From what I understand, their attitudes and behaviors are also similar.

These boys have never lived with each other.

It still amazes me how genetics work even when the children have never been around one another.

This picture is amazing because it was taken at the same place, but we did not go together. In fact the one of Carson was taken one month prior to Jaiden's. (Carson on the left and Jaiden on the right)

Carson (left) was 4 when the picture was taken, Jaiden (middle) is currently 4 and Nadia was 5.

I love doing comparison pictures of my kids with their biological brother.

Nadia, Carson and Jaiden are full siblings.

I appreciate Nina (Jaiden's adoptive mom) for allowing me to do these comparisons every once in awhile.

This was the best decision that we made one year ago. Even though it broke my heart at the time, I also know it was the right decision for our family. The stress that was caused by having contact with this particular side of the kids birth family was not worth it. I am so thankful for the ones that we do still have contact with that show us respect and abide by our rules.

This was what a wrote a year ago...

When we first started this adoption process 8 years ago, we always knew that we wanted to have an open adoption. That was our hope and dreams. We were in hopes ...that our kids would have the best of both worlds. Yes, that would have been more likely had we adopted a new born, but we didn't. We adopted children that were older and we do not regret that decision by any means, but I wish I would have had more information on how to handle the birth family of these older children and then I could have made a more educated decision from the beginning. I never imagined that it would be this hard. It just breaks my heart. I am crying as I am typing this because it hurts so bad that I even had to write the "BREAK UP" letter to my kids birth mom's family.

I am just exhausted trying to maintain a relationship with people who say that they want contact, but then don't show it by their actions. My heart is just BREAKING!!!!

Clearly our kids wear school uniforms more than they wear regular clothes.

This is Carson's closet.

This week has been a struggle.

Not just with the kids, but myself.

I have been feeling unappreciated and unwanted around here lately.

I feel trapped in child land with no real adult interaction.

Joe does karate so much that he gets plenty of adult interaction, but I don't have anything.

Yes, I do some crafty things, but it always ends up somehow involving kids.

I miss my treadmill, but once again, I stopped doing it because I was constantly being interrupted.

Yes, I have time to myself when the things are in school, but even then I really don't. We always have some appointment going on or I am getting calls from the school because one kid or another needs something or a kid is getting in trouble.

I am the meal planner, the grocery shopper, the laundry doer, the housekeeper, the referee, the driver, the go to for everything person.

If I didn't have a schedule on my phone, we would all be screwed in this house.

Because of all of this, I have been feeling a ton of anger towards Joe's karate and him going out back and working on the shed. I just want Joe to take the kids and keep them from interrupting whatever I am doing to recharge myself.

A couple of weeks ago, I tried going to the neighbors house for adult time and every single one of the girls found me. I didn't even tell the kids where I was going. I figured Joe knew where I was and that is all that mattered. When I brought this to the attention of the kids and Joe, Quynsie said, "well mom, it isn't that hard to figure out where you are. You are either at the next door neighbor's or you are at Bethany's house."

My response to that was well, next time, I will make sure we leave the neighborhood so that I can't be found by children.

Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and love being a wife and a mother, but there are times when we moms need a break as well, especially when we are stay at home moms.

Joe has been known to say to me, "You wanted this life now deal with it."

You're right, I did want this life and I still do, but I also need some adult time as well or at the very least 20 minutes of me time to run on my treadmill.

Now don't let this post fool you, Joe is a great dad and husband. Sometimes, he just isn't as in tune with my feelings and needs as I would like

We are actually in therapy ourselves so that we can learn how to communicate our needs better and learn how to parent our kids now that we are entering into the teenage world and our kids are growing up. Every stage has been different and every child has been different in these stages.

There are times that we forget that our kids are not the same as the other and we can't parent them the same either. They are individuals and that requires individual parenting to fit their personalities and needs.

Anyway, we are working on things. Here is to a better second half of the week.

Grammy and Papa brought over the teater totter that was theirs.

They no longer pull it out for the kids to use at their house so they decided that we would probably use it more.

As you can see, they are loving it.

Getting Carson to do much of anything except make messes is a never ending battle. Today his dad asked him to go down and clean the TV room up and Carson said, "what am I, your freaking maid?"
I said, um no, but you did make the mess and I'm not going to making your sisters clean it up for you.


We bottled Jam again this year.
Blueberry, blackberry, strawberry, grape and raspberry.
All but the raspberry is new to us.
We don't normally venture out of our comfort zone of raspberry.
Joe was really worried when I suggested that we make grape, but I think it turned out ok.
This project took all day. We actually finished around 4:30 and then I cut up potatoes and put together tinfoil dinners. I got those in the oven and retreated to the bedroom to put my feet up for a bit.

CHORE CHART

	Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday
Dishes & Microwave	Carson	Quynsie	Raven	Nadia	Quynsie	Raven	Nadia
Counters And Table	Raven	Nadia	Carson	Quynsie	Raven	Nadia	Carson
Sweep/mop	Quynsie	Raven	Nadia	Carson	Quynsie	Raven	Nadia
Trash	Nadia	Carson	Quynsie	Raven	Nadia	Carson	Quynsie
Bathroom Sink and shower (Up.S)	Carson		Nadia		Carson		Nadia
Toilet    (Up. S)	Nadia		Carson		Nadia		Carson
Bathroom Sweep/mop (Up. S)	Carson		Nadia		Carson		Nadia
Bathroom Trash (Up. S)	Nadia		Carson		Nadia		Carson
Bathroom Sink and shower (Do. S)	Quynsie		Raven		Quynsie		Raven
Toilet    (Down. S)	Raven		Quynsie		Raven		Quynsie
Bathroom Sweep/mop (Down S)	Quynsie		Raven		Quynsie		Raven
Bathroom Trash (Down S)	Raven		Quynsie		Raven		Quynsie
TV Room	Carson	Nadia	Raven	Quynsie	Carson	Nadia	Raven
Dojo	Quynsie	Raven	Nadia	Carson	Quynsie	Raven	Nadia
Family Room	Raven	Quynsie	Carson	Nadia	Raven	Quynsie	Carson
Bedrooms	All	All	All	All	All	All	All
Laundry	All	All	All	All	All	All	All

While putting my feet up, I redid the chore chart. I am trying to make it more fair and make them learn how to work together as a team to get things done instead of always fighting.