Miracles do happen...I got myself put together again today. It is a hard thing to do these days with packing, trying to be organized with the move for the kids sake and my sanity, and dealing with the every day life things.

 

Our amazingly sweet boy made these flowers for me at school. Love this boy to pieces.

 

This so so, so, so, true!!!

 

About my post yesterday. I know that I was harsh in some ways, but to be honest, I am sick and tired of being the nice guy and making sure that I don't hurt anybody's feelings. I am to the point in this adoption process that I just have to set boundaries and stick to them. If our birth family can't understand that or stick to the boundaries, then we will have no choice but to cut all contact and LET'S MAKE THIS CLEAR....I DO NOT want to go to that extreme, but I will if we have to. This is not about them or their feelings, this about the kids and their feelings and healing.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am sorry if I offended anyone, but like I said, I am to the point where I am exhausted trying to walk on egg shells and please everyone. I just can't do that anymore. I have to think about the kids and our little family.

 

Faith has been a hard thing for me lately. Just when we think we are making progress with the kids and their healing, we always end up going backwards. 3 steps forward and 2 steps backwards type of thing. Don't get me wrong, we have made great strides with the kids, but the longer they are here and feeling more secure in our family, the more things get brought up. Things that I am appalled by that these poor kids have had to go through.

 

The other topic I have been having a hard time having faith on is this move. We lost our first buyer and I had all of the faith in the world then, but then when we lost them, I lost the faith. So far things are going well and hopefully we close next week because if we don't I am going to go crazy and so are the kids and Joe.

 

So today, I choose to have FAITH and know that he will help us through these trials we are facing at this time.

 

 



This is what happens when you don't listen to your mom when she asks you to pick up your bike that you left behind dads truck. Aunt Nikki was here picking up the cousins from karate and when he wasn't looking, she hid it under the truck. Unfortunately Carson saw her do it from across the yard and he came running screaming. Kaden, came to Carson's rescue and helped him pull it out from under the truck.

 

Yes, I know that our birthparents and birth-family read this blog, but I am about to get serious here.

 

I am going to say this, I don't normally bad mouth our birth-families in a public way, but I am at my wits end and am ready to cut all contact period because it is getting exhausting managing these relationships and walking on egg shells. I am just done walking on egg shells. You need to know and understand what we are dealing with on a daily basis. No it is not all bad every day, but yes, things are coming out more and more recently that have us questioning information that we are being given by the kids. If we can't get the truth from the birth-family, then we are going to have to assume the kids are correct in their thinking and that certain things really happened to them.

So if I text or call you asking for information that is vital and very important to the kids well being, all I ask for is that you either give me the correct information or say you don't know. Don't ignore me or give me false information. If you give me information, you better have a way to back it up and show me the information because I need to get these kids the proper help and I can't do that, if I am getting false info. A couple of our kids are and were too little to remember details, all they can and are doing is acting out. They can't vocalize what happened to them, they can only act it out. And some of that acting out is not a good thing. We have been 3 years trying to figure out the entire story and trying to piece things together as the kids come to us and asks us if they can tell us something. We have never turned them away nor have we ever gotten mad at them for talking about it because that is what is going to help in their healing process. So yes, when I ask for information or am asking for you to verify what we have been told, all I ask for is that you either tell me the truth or say I don't know, or I am not sure. And for crying out loud don't ignore my texts or phone calls.

I wish I knew what triggered the kids, but we don't know. They could be playing outside just fine one minute and then the next they are in tears wanting to tell us stuff. My heart breaks for my kids every time something comes out.

I hate to say it like this but, it is the truth. You would think if you have failed your kids/grandkids many times in the past and have lost all rights to them, that you would want to do anything and everything in your power to work with us to better everyone's lives especially the kids. We understand that mistakes happen and we all have to pay the consequences for those mistakes, but when children are involved, we can't continue to make the same mistakes over and over because it is only hurting them.

 

Here is an article that I think is amazing. We do not keep secrets in our home especially if it has anything to do with stop touches. I think I have touched on this before and a stop touch does not have to be necessarily touching in inappropriate places, it can be a hug, tickling, wrestling, or in my case, I hate when the kids hang off of me and it does not feel good to me, so that is a stop touch. In a nutshell, if it does not feel good to that person, then it is a stop touch.

 

Why We Don’t Keep Secrets In Our House {Child Abuse Prevention}

By Melissa Meuzelaar on April 23, 2015 in Abuse Prevention & Awareness, Parenting

About a month ago, our family was having dinner with some friends at their house. I walked into the kitchen just as the other mom, while winking at me, handed my son a second cookie and whispered, “shhhh. It’s a secret. Don’t tell your mom.” To my delight {and surprise}, my son exclaimed, “Oooooh, but we don’t keep secrets in our house. We do surprises.” In that moment I thought, he gets it and he’s not afraid to say it, thank goodness.

You see, thanks to an excellent Sexual Abuse Prevention workshop that my husband and I attended, called Parenting Safe Children, we have a “no secrets” rule in our house. We have this rule because secrecy is a key ingredient to the sexual abuse of a child. In fact, sexual predators count on the fact that the child will keep a secret. Sometimes they even test the child by asking him to keep small, innocent secrets first to see if he will keep bigger ones later. So, when we teach our children that we don’t keep secrets, even about small and seemingly harmless things like a cookie, we are also instilling in them that they don’t have to keep big and unsafe secrets, like that of someone touching them inappropriately.

This other mom, the one who asked my son to keep the secret, is a friend of mine and I know that she meant no harm by it at all. Nonetheless, the interaction created a great opportunity for me to share with her about our Body Safety Rules {which we also adapted from the workshop}, one of which is that we don’t keep secrets. I shared with her that we have “surprises” instead of secrets because surprises are something that you keep quiet about temporarily; then you share the surprise and people are happy. But secrets are meant to be kept quiet forever and they’re often to protect something that would make people unhappy.

My friend asked me more about the Body Safety Rules – what they are, why we have them, where we keep them, how I talk about them with my kids – and I began to explain that we have Body Safety Rules in effort to keep our kids safe from sexual abuse, to empower our kids, and to communicate to others that our kids are off limits. I told her that we keep the rules posted front and center in our kitchen; that we went over each rule with our kids when we first made the sign and that we discuss them regularly as situations arise. For example, when I’m trying to get a moment of peace, err go to the bathroom by myself and one of them comes barging in, I remind them that because we’re the bosses of our own bodies, we’re allowed to have privacy when using the toilet. And {for the love} Mommy would like some privacy while going to the bathroom. Or when we go to the pediatrician, I remind them, “no one is allowed to touch your private parts {which we call by their correct name}, but because the doctor is checking to make sure you are healthy, he needs to check your whole body, including your private parts and because Mommy is here, it is ok.” We talk about the Body Safety Rules in the context of different every day situations and we also sometimes play “what if” scenarios, like “what would you do if you were playing at someone’s house and they asked you to take your clothes off?” My kids would likely respond, “I would tell them that we play with our clothes on.”

When a child knows his body safety rules and feels empowered to say no to inappropriate touch and to keeping secrets, it communicates to a potential predator that the child is off limits. And when friends or child care providers see the Body Safety Rules hanging in our kitchen, it’s obvious to them that sexual abuse prevention is on our radar. A conversation is usually quick to follow, sometimes it’s comfortable and other times it’s just plain awkward. But I simply have to ask myself, am I willing to have a moment of awkwardness with someone in order to have my child’s back and keep him safe? The answer is always, without a doubt, Yes.
 

On to other news...

We are getting so close to closing on the sale of our current home and the purchase of the new home. Our loan officer called this morning saying that there was a new inquiry on our credit report that happened this past Friday. We have been extremely careful not the put anything on our credit card or even purchase any big ticketed item on credit. We have been paying cash for everything because we do not want to ruin our chances of getting into our new home. Needless to say, I was very angry when I heard this news. Don't worry, it was easily fixed by me writing a letter explaining that we do not currently have any new debt with this company nor did we give our permission for them to run our credit.

 

So here is my little public service announcement for the evening...

 

Do not ever deal with convenient loan. We have not had any transactions with them since 2008. Well apparently they are allowed to randomly pull your credit without your knowledge even if you do not currently have an account with them. Thank goodness we have an awesome loan officer that caught it and we were able to take care of it quickly.

 

 

Quynsie got the sportsmanship award for basketball. Great job Quyn. You did amazing this past season. Now go show your coach who's boss and that you have been practicing and have improved over the summer.

Here is a video of Nadia and her dad doing their karate kata together. I love watching them share in a hobby or sport together. Nadia is for sure a daddy's girl.

https://youtu.be/Pqp3RlMSI8Q

I needed a place to save this article so I could go back and reference it, especially when our kids are having a tantrum. I have actually used some of these ideas myself.

Taming Tantrums at Every Age

We’ve got calming strategies guaranteed to defuse (almost!) any tantrum, freakout, or meltdown.

By Shaun Dreisbach 

Learning Benefits

The first day of kindergarten, my easygoing daughter — the girl who couldn’t wait to hop on the school bus — came home a completely different kid. As I peppered her with questions (“How was your teacher? What did you do at recess?”), she lost it. She flung herself on the floor, backpack still on, and began sobbing, kicking, and screaming, “Mommy, stop talking, stop talking, stop talking!”

Turns out, tantrums like my daughter’s come down to simple emotional math: “Stress plus a trigger equals a meltdown,” says Becky A. Bailey, Ph.D., author of Managing Emotional Mayhem. Identifying kid stressors is pretty easy, because they’re so universal: Being tired (tell me about it!), being hungry, or having problems at home or school can all prime kids for a freak-out. Figuring out the actual triggers, though, is trickier, because they vary depending on age and stage of development — but once you know them, sidestepping the hissy fits becomes much easier. 

 

Does that mean you’ll never endure another tantrum? No. But that’s okay. “Tantrums are an opportunity to teach your child how to regulate strong emotions like anger,” says Bailey. “You can only do that when she’s upset because those brain pathways need to be activated before you can change them.” How’s that for a silver lining? So: Take a deep, calming breath, and get ready to master any monster meltdown.

 

PLUS: THE TROUBLE WITH TIME-OUTS

 

Step 1

ID the triggers.

You already know how to make sure your child is properly fed, watered, rested, and feeling generally happy — now find out what can push him over the edge when he’s not.

 

At 3 to 5, they struggle with . . .

Unexpected changes. Kids this age crave predictability, so a sudden switch in their daily routine can cause a meltdown.

 

Their own limits. This is also the stage where kids want to do everything themselves — even though, developmentally, they’re not quite ready. Result: frustration and (you guessed it) freak-outs.

 

Overloaded brains. Learning new responsibilities is stressful for preschoolers. By the time they come home, even a run-of-the-mill reminder can set them off.

 

At 6 to 7, they can’t deal with . . .

Comparisons. By now, kids have the ability to categorize and compare, and the focus on who is better/prettier/taller/whatever makes children super-sensitive to criticism, says Bailey. Contrasting your kiddo’s manners to his sister’s, say, is a surefire tantrumtrigger. Ditto comments (even if well meant) about another kid’s slam-dunk basketball skills. Battles over limits. Young grade-schoolers have gained some independence, like being able to tie their own shoes, but still need guidance — which can cause blowups over how far your kid is allowed to bike alone or what his bedtime should be. 

 

At 8 to 10, they lose it over . . .

Things being unfair. Kids have sharpened their reasoning and debating skills — and will test them out on you at every turn. If you don’t agree with your budding lawyer’s logic about why you should let him have an iPhone, you could face an “It’s not fair!” meltdown.

 

Taking the rap. Since your kiddo’s sense of fairness is razor sharp, getting blamed for something he didn’t do — like snooping in his sister’s room — is sure to provoke anger.

 

Red-faced moments. Tweenagers are easily embarrassed about social stuff, like being judged uncool when Mom greets you at school with “Hi, cutiekins!” (Mortifying.) “Do anything to fluster your kid publicly and you’re in for it!” says Joni Levine, author of The Everything Parent’s Guide to Tantrums.

 

PLUS: THE SIMPLE SECRET TO CONFIDENT, HAPPY KIDS

 

Step 2

Read the signs.

Kids really do have a “tell.” Pay close attention and experts say you can see a tantrum start to build and take steps to defuse it. Crisis averted!

 

At 3 to 5

Watch your preschooler’s face — the warning signs show up there first. That sweet little face will go from happy to furious (or sad) instantly, says Bailey. 

 

Sidestep the fit! Explain to your kid that you can tell she’s getting upset, so you want her to take a few deep breaths with you (they’ll help calm you down, too). Drawing attention to her angry feelings will, over time, help her recognize those emotions as they rise up. Once she’s quieted down, encourage her to talk about why she’s upset. “Say, ‘I’m listening, and I’d like us to solve this problem together.’ Don’t just jump in and solve it for her,” explains Levine. For example, if your child is frustrated with a certain task — like being told to get ready for bed, which can feel overwhelming — break it into more manageable pieces: Ask her to start by putting away her toys. Then have her get into her pjs, and so on.

 

At 6 to 7

By now, your child has learned that it’s not cool to act out at school, so he’ll unload as soon as he steps into the car or the house. You can see the signs in his face still, but pay attention to his body language, too. A kid who’s feeling blue or mad will slump his shoulders or fling his backpack across the floor.

 

Sidestep the fit! Six- and seven-year-olds are much better at explaining their feelings, so after those all-important deep, calming breaths, talk through what’s upsetting your kid and help him think of solutions. If you slip and make a negative comparison, try to explain what you meant in a more positive way. For instance, if you mention that Jack scored the most goals at soccer, and you notice that your child’s body language changes, follow up with an offer to kick the ball around together or with praise for a skill he does well when he plays.

 

At 8 to 10

Don’t bother glancing at your kid’s face or asking what’s wrong (she’ll mutter, “Nothing”). The warning signs are the way she clenches her fists or shuffles her feet, says Bailey. 

 

Sidestep the fit! As long as you’re willing to lend an ear and give them prompts, many kids at this stage can calm themselves down. But if yours still needs a nudge, ask her to think of some things she can do to let off steam, like listening to music. Levine recommends coming up with a “cool-down” playlist and reminding your child to use it when you notice she’s on the verge of melting down.

 

PLUS: HOW TO SAY 'NO' TO KIDS

Step 3

Launch crisis maneuvers.

You can do everything right and still find yourself face-to-face with a total freak-out. Sometimes walking

away — so as not to escalate the tantrum by shouting over it or giving it more attention — can be a smart move. But Bailey suggests another tactic: the “DNA” approach, which helps kids feel less out of control and abandoned. First, describe what you see: “Your face just scrunched up.” Next, notice the feelings: “You seem angry.” Finally, acknowledge what your kid was hoping for and talk through alternate solutions: “You wanted a Snickers bar and I said no. If you’re hungry, you can have a granola bar or yogurt.” This approach works because you’re showing your child empathy — which is soothing — while at the same time teaching self-awareness and coping skills. As with any method, you’ll tweak it as your kid gets older. Here’s how:

 

At 3 to 5

Show what’s happening. 

Preschoolers can’t calm down from their zero-to-60 screaming fit — they need you to be the inner voice that tells them it’ll be okay. Start by saying to him, “You’re safe. You can handle this.” Then, describe your child’s actions (“Your hands just balled into fists, like this”) and mimic his body language so he knows what he looks like. Next, while he’s watching you, take a deep breath. “Kids’ brains are hardwired to mirror you, which means your child will automatically take a big, calming breath as well,” says Bailey. Keep doing it until he’s able to talk through solutions.

 

At 6 to 7

Don’t baby them. 

Since 6- and 7-year-olds are super-sensitive about being treated like babies, drop the “describing” part as well as the physical mimicry — your child might think you’re making fun of him. And since so many battles at this age are about your child’s budding independence, focus your explanations on things other than your child’s age. So, for instance, if he blows up when you tell him he can’t bike around the ’hood solo, wait until he calms down and then explain that your job is to keep him safe — and that even though he’s a careful biker, people drive like maniacs. Then offer a couple of options: Either you can go with him, or he can ride from his house to the one down the street.

 

At 8 to 10

Hear ’em out. 

Say your child has a fit because you won’t let her dye her hair. Acknowledge her reasons without shooting them down. When she’s done, say you realize that this is something she really wants, but your answer is still no. This won’t make everything better, but it is comforting for kids to know that you care about their feelings (though they may not act that way). Then ask: “Why do you think I’m saying no?” Even if she’s off base, you’re prepping her to think in an adult way — and giving her problem-solving skills a workout, says Bailey. Just try to stay calm. Getting mouthy is how tweenagers melt down, and your child is savvy enough to know how to push your buttons. Leave the room if you need a breather. No need to deal with two freak-outs!

Illustration Credit: Mike Reddy

And the worlds worst mommy award goes to.....ME!!!! ME!!!! People ME!!! I forgot about Carson's therapy appointment this morning and then I just barely remembered that it was supposed to be his turn to take snack for school today. Yep! I forgot that as well. I am telling you this move needs to happen ASAP because I feel like I am losing my mind.

I guess we all make mistakes, I just feel really bad because I have never forgot a therapy appointment before especially one of Carson's. Therapy is so important for this kid and for me to miss it, makes me feel extremely bad.

 

Nadia has finally got the kata down for karate or at least most of it.

 

This is no lie!!!! The kids have come home from school a couple of times and ask what I do all day when I haven't cleaned. I am like, yeah well, I have taken so and so to this appointment or I decided to go shopping or I decided to sit on my butt and take a nap. Then I ask them to help clean up.

 

I have a big problem with not feeling guilty when I say no. I actually had this problem today. My sister text me and asked me to pick up a friends kids from school on Friday because she forgot that she was supposed to when she made an appointment for one of her kids. I had to say no because it is Raven's birthday and we don't know for sure when we are closing on our house and I would hate to make a commitment and then not be able to do it because something came up. I have felt guilty all day for saying no, but I also know that there is a small chance we could close this Friday, not likely, but it is possible. I have FAITH!!!

 

I may not agree with our birthparents choices but, we do keep them in our prayers and I hope they know that God is always there for them in the time of need. I pray they find peace in their hearts and know that their children are being well taken care of and are so very loved and wanted more than anything.

 

Our niece Deserrae said this exact thing this past week in karate. I laughed so hard.

 



 

If either one of these girls complain about their bangs that they have been begging me to cut for about 8 months I'm shaving their heads...LOL... I keep talking them out of it but I finally caved and cut them. Nadia's isn't as noticeable as Quynsie's because I didn't want to do it in the first place. Oh well, it is just hair. It grows back.

 

 

This afternoon we went for a ride up the canyon and while

coming down the canyon Nadia says I don't get car sick because I have a strong brain you see.

 

While grocery shopping yesterday I grabbed a package of processed cheese. Carson hollers fake cheese I love fake cheese.


This is so how things work at our house, especially right now because our house is chaos from packing. Hopefully at the new house things will be better, at least for a little while anyway. I can't wait for all of the kids to have their own rooms. Yes, that is a few months down the road until we build the 5th bedroom, but I love having that option and it is going to happen. The girls need their own space and a place to have privacy away from the others. I am hoping that if they have their own space, there won't be as much drama.


Well, DANG!!!! That just burst my bubble.



I think I know what the kids and I are going to be doing during the summer.

We are going to be making blankets, burp rags and other various things to donate. Quynsie will be able to count the hours for her Honor Society for the first semester of the next school year.

 

 

 

I am so thankful that I left my hair cutting stuff out because I have had to use it more than once. I have cut Carson's hair 3 times in the past couple of months. If I don't keep his short, then he cuts it himself and I end up cutting it anyway, so I might as well just cut it every couple of weeks. I had to cut Raven's because I did not like how it was growing out. It needed some shape to it and I cut it tighter to her head in the back because she still doesn't make the effort to do anything with it, so I guess if I have to do it, I will cut it the way I want because it is so much easier for me to handle especially during the week when we are rushing to get out the door and to school on time.

 

This isn't everything we have packed today. There is more stuff downstairs that we packed too. We also took a ton of stuff to the DI. I cannot believe how much stuff we have gotten rid of and how much stuff we still have. It is just crazy. I am hoping to get rid of more stuff when we unpack because I don't want all of this clutter. Just because our new house is bigger does not mean that we want to clutter it up.

 

I will forever be eternally grateful for the opportunity to be a mom.

No, I don't have a ton of patience, but I do love my kids to the moon and back.

I would do anything for them.

I have chosen to stay home and be a stay at home mom because I wanted to be able to be there for our kids at all times. Yes, I have had the thought of going back to work

a time or two (when times are tough), but the reality is that my kids are still little and they need their mom. At the end of the day, I thank our Father in Heaven for this wonderful chance to make a difference in these kids lives and to teach them that they can be whatever and whoever they want to be. They just have to put their minds to it and they will succeed, I have no doubt about it.



I am not even kidding you, we need to get this move done and over with more than anyone understands. One more poopy underware/pants from our 6 year old I just might lose it. I don't think people fully understand what living in limbo does to a child, especially a child who has suffered trauma in their past. This kid deals with life much differently than others do. With is sensory processing disorder, he has been extremely over stimulated with everything that is going on and he doesn't know how to deal with it except act out with bad behavior. Unless you have dealt with it, you have no idea. These poor kids are feeling insecure right now. They were just starting to feel like they were part of a family and stable and now we have turned their life upside down again. We know that we are doing what we are supposed to be doing despite the challenges. We know that the kids need to know that they can move to a new house and still be with the same family and that they are going to take all of their stuff with them. We look forward to getting settled in and building new memories as a family. It is going to be so nice having a back yard that is fully fenced and not living on a busy street.

 

Explaining Sensory Processing Disorder:

To most, it may look like our child is having a tantrum/meltdown, but he really is just trying to say, there is way to much going on right now and I need a break where it is nice and quiet. The goal is not to punish him, we just remove him from the situation and try not to have a dialogue with him because talking to him is keeping the stimulation going and that is what we are trying to stop. He is just getting overwhelmed and doesn't know how to redirect or voice what he needs. This is still new to us, as he has only been diagnosed for a year. We still do not understand it completely and are not sure on how to deal with it every time either. And if we don't understand it, then neither does he. He is in therapy for it, so we are trying to just be patient and learn by trial and error.

 

Infertility is something Joe and I have dealt with infertility for 15 years.

It is not easy, you have feelings of hate, why me, why us and how are we going to get through this? For Joe and I our infertility issues are primarily Joe and for me that is rough.

I hated seeing him blame himself. I hated seeing him being so rough on himself.

I know that it is not his fault and that it happens. It is more common than people think.

Most people think that infertility is mostly a cause that go through women, but the truth is,

men also deal with infertility.

Somehow Joe and I have survived infertility. We have managed to keep our marriage together. There is a lot of people that end marriages because they just can't deal with the fact that they can't have children with their spouse.

Leaving was never an option for me. It never even crossed my mind. I didn't marry this man because he could or could not have children. I knew there was other ways of building a family. I had always had a dream of adopting one day. I just did not think it was going to be under these circumstances, but either way, I am thankful for being able to still have an option in order to build our family.

 

 

This is what my day consisted of today. I can't wait until we get moved and the kids can go back to folding their own laundry.

 

We love all 3 of our daughters. I love seeing them smile sincerely. Not the fake type smile that they are just trying to appease everyone, but the real thing. The happy smiles, like they are truly happy and content. I love to hear their giggles. I love their hugs and I love how caring they are toward each other and others. We love all of our kids.



Last night Carson was out by 10 after 8. This never happens, like I mean NEVER!!!

He went to bed late the night before, Quynsie woke him up early yesterday and then

he went on a field trip with school. He must have been really tired.

He is so peaceful while he is sleeping. I love watching my kids sleep.

 

The funny thing is is that apparently the child didn't think this one through. How is the mom going to cook said child food? I guess that means mom has the day off.

 

This morning I told Quynsie that she can't use more than one towel for her showers anymore unless she starts helping me with laundry because I never can keep up on other laundry because I'm constantly washing towels. Apparently separating and putting a sign on top of the pile is her way of helping.

I asked her about it after school because I was a little bit offended that she would

even put a note on it and high-light the word school, like I don't know how to do laundry or something. Anyway, she said that she meant the note to be for her, for when she got home from school, she could put them in the washer. She apologized profusely and said that she should have put her name on the paper. Anyway, I think she learned a lesson with this and now knows that if she isn't addressing herself on the note, others can take

offense to it, thinking that it was intended to be for them.

 

 

Raven is one step closer to getting braces. She had her bottom space retainer taken out. It keeps popping off because she has a tooth coming in under the one it is cemented to so the dentist feels that she is close enough to getting her remaining molars that her teeth won't shift significantly. I'm tired of dealing with the spacer. Nadia still has hers but she has had better luck with hers.

 

Yes, I might crawl into bed at 8pm, but I am trying to get Carson to sleep, blog, watch the news and then I just plain can't get my mind to shut off. I am constantly worry about this kid or that kid. Did they get this done or that done. Worrying about moving and how much stuff I still have to pack. All of the laundry that still needs to be done. How messy our house is. I hate it being this messy, it is just plain chaos right now. I can't wait until we get

moved and settled into our new place. There is messy, like yes, we live here and then there is disaster looking like we are hoarders kind of messy. Right now, we look like hoarders type messy. This weekend we will be spending the majority of it packing most of everything we have left out. I will only be leaving the necessities out because I am going to need my sleep this next week to make it through everything and the move.

Anyway, by the time I get to sleep, it seems like it is time to wake up. I could possibly pass myself in the hallway!!!

We had to have a talk with Raven and Nadia about how words can hurt and scar just as much as a cut can. They keep telling each other that they don't care about the other one and then they turn around and say, "I was just kidding, can't you take a joke?" We had to explain that you can't say something hurtful and take it back. It doesn't work that way. The second that it leaves your mouth, you have already cut them deep inside their heart. We also had to remind Nadia about the oath she has taken in karate. Some of those things are called commandments:
1. Be of and cultivate good moral character. (If you are saying mean things to others, you are not showing good moral character).
2. Practice without interruption and strive for perfection.
3. Show courtesy and prudence to all teachers and elders (Her sister's are older than her which makes them her elder and she needs to show courtesy).
4. Be forever kind, honest and friendly to all of your colleagues (She wasn't being kind, honest or friendly to her colleagues. Her family is her colleagues as she is part of our team here at home).
5. Never be aggressive towards the weak (This includes with her words).

We made a family proclamation when we first adopted the three younger kids and we just have not updated it since adopting Quynsie. Once we move and get settled in, I think we will sit down as a family and maybe implement some of these things into our house rules and new proclamation.

 

My husband loves me and knows me well. I have been eating these things since I can remember. I would always steal my uncles sunflower seeds when I was at my grandma's. In fact, I still do now that I am an adult. We have resorted to buying it by the bucket full. I might have to buy my uncle one just to make up for some of the seeds I took from him. For as much as I eat these, you would think I would have a canker sore the size of a baseball, but really, I think my mouth is so used to it that it is all callused.

 

Quynsie finally got her math grade up from and "F" to a "B". Great job kiddo. We knew you could do it. Now to get her to get her volunteer hours done for the National Honor Society. She has to have them done by the 15th of May. She is about half way there. She will get most of the rest of them this weekend.



Testing for their White Belt!

 

 

Nadia always shows great sportsmanship.

I love how Nadia is so positive and encouraging towards her fellow karate students. She always says you've got this you can do it.

Because of this attitude, she makes friends easily and really doesn't have an enemy.

She is setting a great example as to how you should treat everyone. Love her to pieces.

 

I hope our kids know without a shadow of a doubt that their dad and I are always here for them and will always cheer them on. We love them to the moon and back.

 

 

This was earlier in the day. Quynsie is trying to catch up her math so she no longer has an "F" and Carson is anxiously and patiently waiting for daddy to come home. He was really hungry and wanted dad to hurry.

 

Last night I was watching the news and there was a report on breast cancer screening. They were saying that it should be a personal decision between you and your doctor and not an age limit. I agree with them. A year and a half ago I had a cancer scare. I had to fight our insurance to pay for a mammogram and my doctor had to fight the imagining center to do one because I am not over the age of 40. I'm sorry but if you find a lump in your breast then you should have it checked. It's not... something you mess with. I ended up having to have surgery to remove the lumps. One in each breast and Thankfully it turned out ok but the type of tumor I had most likely will grow back and I have a bigger risk of it turning into cancer. So far so good it hasn't returned but by golly I want to be able to get checked and have a mammogram without having to deal with the hassle of fighting insurance ands the imagining tech to get it done.

 

I love when my kids give me hugs. It is the last thing they do when I drop them off at school in the morning and the last thing they do before they go to bed. I also get lots of them throughout the day.

 

If you are looking for an amazing relator or mortgage guys look up Justin Dockstader and James Sly. They really are the best. I have serious anxiety and at first I didn't tell them or show them I had this issue until our first offer fell through then the anxiety was hard to hide. I ended up having to explain why I became the crazy lady that needed to know what was going on at all times so that they understood my madness. They both have been great in keeping me posted and updated especially as we hit every deadline. Thanks guys for your help.

 

  

When I was a little girl, I prayed that I would find the man of my dreams and to get married and have a family. I didn't care where we lived as long as we were together making memories. I now have all of that and I am eternally grateful.

We prayed for 12 years that we would be able to have children and be a family. We finally had that dream and prayer answered and we are forever grateful for this opportunity.

 

I love my boy!

Carson told Raven he wished that she was still 8 and Raven asked why. He said because you're boring now.

I get a kick out of this kid at least once a day.

 

Nadia went to a friends house today after school, so while she was there, I took the rest to the sports park to watch their school play baseball. Carson was so excited to watch. Quynsie and Raven were just excited to see some friends.

 

This is totally true. Our kids' birthparents have had a drug use problem and it doesn't just stay with the person who is using. It affects the entire family.

They have lost their kids to the foster care system and then they were eventually adopted.

That doesn't just affect their birthparents, it also affects the rest of the family. The grandparents, the aunts and uncles and the cousins. They are all missing out on these amazing kids lives, their accomplishments and dreams.

The kids are also severely affected. They are not with their birth family. Yes, they are happy and healthy here, but that does not mean that they don't miss their birth family. Kids don't care how bad their parents are, they could be murderers and they would still be loyal and protective of them.

 

I want to make this for our new house. We actually have a couple of coat things like this that I could just put the words on and hang it up by the back door going out to the garage or even hang them on the wall inside the garage. I haven't thought that far ahead as to where we will be putting them, but I do know that I love having their coats and backpacks in the same spot so we can just grab and go in the morning and it gives them a home and not on the floor.



We tell our kids all of the time that they are not allowed to use being in foster care or being adopted as an excuse not to succeed in life. We tell them all of the time that they can be and do anything they put their mind to. We are here to push and guide them to be their best. We want them to believe in themselves like we believe in them.

 

I am sure that this part of the post is going to be controversial, but it needs to be said.

People always tell me to not worry about our kids birthparents, but the truth is, how can you not?

I mean, we were mentoring them through the reunification process. We may not have built the best relationship, but enough that we do still care. We pray that they are safe, healthy and happy. Everyone makes mistakes in their lives, some bigger than others, but it doesn't mean that they are not worthy of Heavenly Fathers love and forgiveness. One day, I hope that we can move past some of the issues and start to build a relationship with our birthparents, but right now, we are not in a place that we are able

 to devote our time to worrying constantly about our kids birthparents as we do have 4 children that are in severe need of our attention right now.

There are times when I think we are moving past some serious issues and making progress and then BAM!!!! we are hit with another issue or even the same issue again.

For example: Raven is going through puberty right now which brings out all sorts of issues with self esteem, confidence and other things on top of her past abuse

and you have a nightmare waiting to happen. Then you have a little sister that thinks it is funny to tease you about it and that doesn't help either.

Another example: Carson came to us pretty much potty trained and has only had a few accidents up until about 3 months ago. Now he is constantly peeing or pooping his pants.

We are not sure why the regression is happening besides the fact that we are moving and right now our lives are being lived in the unknown. We don't know the exact date that we are moving and we are living out of boxes so to speak. Most of the kids toys are packed and so are most of their clothes except their school uniforms and a few outfits, pjs and underwear and socks. Carson just doesn't care about consequences period.

Another example: Quynsie was doing amazing in math and school. She is on the national honor society, she was on the 7th grade basketball team and was going to math lab every day after school to make sure that she kept her grades up. In the past month or so, she stopped going and kept telling me that she was completing her homework in class and didn't need to stay after. I had no reason not to believe her because she had been doing so well. Well this past Friday she came out of the school crying and I asked her what was wrong and she told me that she has an "F" in math. I stuck my hand out and she knew exactly what I wanted, her phone. I didn't say a word, I wanted her to think about things before I started asking questions. She worked hard on Friday to make up her assignments that she had not turned in and now her grade is back up to a "C". She still has a couple of assignments that she needs to make up and redo a test. I knew that taking her phone would be a bigger punishment that me lecturing her.

Nadia has found a way to channel her negative energy. She has karate as her outlet. Being that their dad teaches it, they have all had the opportunity and will continue to have the opportunity to participate, but Nadia seems to be the only one that is interested. Carson is interested, but we are afraid that he will use it the wrong way right now, so we are waiting until he is a bit older and understands that he cannot go to school and beat on other kids.

I guess what I am getting at is that yes, we think of our birthparents often and so do the kids. They love their birthparents and we have never asked them not to, in fact, we encourage it, but we do not allow it to consume our lives because these kids need to move on and heal.

It takes years for foster/adopted kids to move past things and start to heal. It is not something that happens over night. It has been a trial and error trying to find things for the kids to do to get their frustration out.

 

This has been a huge topic in our home for the last little while since we were preparing Nadia for baptism.

This also goes for the above comments. There is always a way back to our Heavenly Father no matter how bad you mess up.

 

We are not moving because of the size of our house. We are moving so the kids have a proper yard and neighborhood to play in. Yes, our new home will be a bit bigger, but the main thing was the layout and the flow of things will fit our needs much better.

I feel that we are doing a great job making sure our home feels like a happy home. We laugh often. The kids are healthy and happy. There is not a day that goes by that I do not hear one of the kids say to each other I love you. They are just happy to be together and not split up.

 

Carson got a bolo tie from grandpa Davis tonight when we were over to his house for his birthday.



After the night we have had, at the end of the day, the kids were at least happy and enjoying themselves. And seeing their smile brightens my day.

 

Because we are still packed and getting ready to move, the kids school clothes are in their travel bucket(tote) and the rest are folded and put in their hamper. Mind you, this is only the clothes that we kept out. The rest are packed. It is going to be like Christmas when we finally move and unpack because they have not seen some of their stuff for over a month now.

 

We celebrated my birthday and my nephew's birthday with the family at family dinner tonight. My nephew is such a great sport about it and is ok with sharing a cake with me every year. LOL...Don't worry, he still gets his own cake at his birthday party.

 

See what I mean? Look at those smiles!!!

But then again....don't let those smiles fool you because it was not the best shopping trip, that's for sure. Keep reading on and find out what happened...

 

Tonight just wasn't the best night to take all of the kids with us grocery shopping. They were all nasty behaving and Carson ran his head into someone's cart and made the people feel bad and then we were headed to the check out and Carson kicked his foot in the air and his shoe flew at least 30 ft in the air. I couldn't help but laugh at that point because after our shopping trip it is either laugh cry or get angry. Oh well I guess we were the entertainers for the night at Walmart.