This morning, I got a voice message from our amazing friends Camilla and Michael. They have finally found out their military orders.

 

Nadia's teacher stopped me at the school today to let me know what a shinning light she has been. She just loves to learn. She loves to read and because of that her teacher has assigned her to help another student who struggles and Nadia has been amazing. Her teacher said she is the most caring child she has ever met.

 

I love how well this group of girls have come together and meshed so well.

 

Raven's teacher let me know today that Raven was a completely different child. She asked what had changed between yesterday and today. I said well she had a long talk with her therapist about being the problem solver and not the trouble maker.

I was so relieved to hear that she done so well in school today because I am starting to feel defeated between her and Carson and their behavior at school.



I have not had a hair cut in almost a year so today I caved and had my sister trim it. By trim, I mean I got about 3 inches cut off. It was in desperate need. I am hoping that will help it grow better. It feels more healthy.

 

Today was another boring long Tuesday afternoon of 3 hours of therapy.

I finally caved and unpacked one of my projects that I have wanted to get finished for a long time. I took it with me and worked on it there. A little over a year ago, I started making each one of the kids a blanket. Carson's was first because it is a bit weighted with beads to help with his sensory stuff and then I started Raven's. Hers is to the point I can bind the edges. Quynsie's is almost ready to bind and then I have Nadia's to start.

I know, I am a procrastinator. I guess the important thing is that I am back to working on them again. The only bad thing is that I won't get anything done around the house now because I will want to work on these blankets. HAHAHAHAH

Story of my life. Oh well.



Last night we had to make the decision to put passwords on our phones. Carson keeps taking them and downloading things so he can play on them. He then hides with it and we have to play hide and seek for him.

I actually hate it. I took mine off tonight because I got thinking about it and until we teach the kids how to dial 911 while it is locked, I feel that it is not safe to have it locked.

 

Carson got in trouble at school today and I was called in by his teacher to come deal with it. He kept crawling all over the floor and under desks and he even chewed on another kids shoe and when his teacher removed him from that situation, he started licking the bottom of his own shoe. From what I understand, it was a long day with this boy. When I got there they were out at recess. Carson got upset because of his friends kept chanting Carson is in trouble. I then stayed and watch him for the rest of the school day. Yep, that's right, I stayed for 2 hours.

Carson's replacement glasses came today. These ones will stay at home because I don't want them lost. He can ware the ones that are broken to school.

 

 

 

 

The kids got a surprise after school when we got the mail. Our dear sweet friend and Aunt Camilla. This made me miss this sweet family more than words can express. I cried while reading the letters to the kids. Camilla if you are reading this, know that this meant the world not only to me, but the kids.

We love you so much and miss you like crazy.

 



Last night I was not expecting my Utes to win the football game over the Ducks, but not only did they win, they creamed them.

 

We had a bit of a rough start to the day. We were woken up by Quynsie screaming because Carson spilled nail polish on her new bedding. I tried everything to get it out, but I had to abandon the idea so I would not ruin it anymore than it already is.

It still works as her bedding, just stained.

 

Look how little she was!!! This was on a field trip with Nadia to the zoo for first grade.

Even though the kids were a bit older when we got them, I love looking back at pictures from when we first got them and see how much they have grown and changed.

 

This was the best picture I was able to get of the blood moon.

We actually sat outside with the Bishop and his wife to watch it for a little bit.



This morning started off with us cutting a couple of branches off of our walnut tree so that they would not fall on our cars. They have been dangling there since we moved in 4 months ago. With winter approaching, we decided we better get it done so that the snow wouldn't make them fall.

 

After trimming the tree, we headed to Costco, got what we needed there, then headed to home depot. We had to get a board for the end of our bed so that the mattress will stop sliding off the end of the bed. We also needed a couple of things so we could relocate our cable to a different part of the living room. I cannot stand having my furniture in the same spot for very long. The only reason it has been in the same place for the past 4 months is because I can't move the couches by myself. They are way too heavy.

We also needed to buy a cabinet that locks and that will fit all of our medications including the over the counter medications. At our other house, we had a cupboard that we were able to lock, but here we have not had a place to put them that locks. I will be the first to admit that this means inconvenient to me every morning. It means I have one more thing to do before we can head out the door. To be honest, I would rather be inconvenienced and have my kids safe.

We came home started putting the cabinet together and then we moved the living room around. We will see if it gets moved again before Christmas.

 

I finally got the Pray always sign put up on the wall. It has only been sitting there for 4 months.

 

We scored this gem from a family that is moving in our ward. They were getting rid of it for free so I snagged it. I have always wanted one since my brother in law made one out of pvc pipe, but Joe would not make me one because he wanted a metal one. I guess it pays to be patient because we scored this. I can't wait to get all oft the bikes and scooters put away especially for the winter.

 

I am now watching the Utes football game against the Oregon Ducks.

This is how I spent my day while kids were in school. I watched this beauty. She does not like baby dolls, but give her some cars and she is one happy little girl. She is so spoiled, but so dang cute. She was the happiest baby today.

 

I am not a big fan of Halloween, but since having kids, I am more willing to decorate for it.

But, don't forget, I only do it for the kids. Halloween is pointless in my mind.

I can't wait till tomorrow and hopefully I can find my bigger skeletons so I can get them hung as well.

 

This is so true. I will drive my kids wherever I have to in order for them to get the help they need. I drive them to school because I want them attending the top notch. Yes, these things are inconvenient, but again, I will do anything for my kids.

 

If you could have seen this boy rocking his baby doll, oh my goodness...

PRICELESS!!!

I love seeing some of his softer side come out. I just wish it was more often than not.

 

What is wrong with people? My nieces and nephew have not seen their mom in almost a year yet my brother in law still takes the kids to the visitation meeting spot every other weekend and she never shows. People if you are granted visitation with your kids for crying out loud show up. I am so sick of the excuses from this lady. These kids deserve more. I spend 1 day a week with my nieces and nephew and I see the pain in their faces and their behavior. Either be in their life or sign your rights over so these kids don't have to keep getting re traumatized every other weekend. The longer this goes on the more trauma that is being caused and the longer it will take for them to heal.

 

I guess this angers me so bad because of the situation that we are in. Our kids are very hurt by certain people who have proven not to care. I finally had to cut some strings and let some of them go because the kids were hurting more and they were having a hard time getting to the point where they could start to grieve and heal.

Like I said last night, we have reached our final welcome in the honeymoon stage. This is a good sign. It means they are finally starting to feel safe and secure and trusting us more.

The trust is the biggest issue. They have not felt comfortable coming to us about their issues because they were not sure if we would leave them if they told us their deepest darkest secrets. Once they realized that we are always going to be here for them, things have spiraled out of control. I know that it is only temporary and things will start to get better with therapy, but I know that they will get better. We will all be stronger and more bonded as a family for working through the toughest of times together.



I have held onto this for the past couple of days for strength to make it through the rough and dark times.

 

I now know what it meant to go through the honeymoon period with our kids. I honestly thought we were through that a long time ago when the kids started having bad behavior, but the truth is, that was mild compared to what we are going through right now.

I can honestly say we have come to the end of our honeymoon period.

 

I finally broke down and moved one of my crafting desks into the livingroom because I did not like the computer being on my cedar chest and the printer was across the room and not with the computer. When Joe got home, we were able to move the couch down a bit so that we didn't feel like the desk was crowding out the doorway to the kitchen and hallway.

It took me all day to clean the livingroom because I also had laundry to clean up, movies to clean up, mail to go through, and furniture to move. I also had to climb behind the couch in order to plug our power strip into the wall and I got stuck. It took a few minutes for me to figure out how I was going to get myself out of there. I knew I had to get myself out because I didn't have my phone anywhere near me to call for help...LOL...I got myself out without to much effort. It was all good.

 

Since all of our students, besides our own 2 kids called and canceled karate, we decided to have a family night. The kids have all been asking when we could watch the voice that we have had recorded on our DVR since Monday so that is what we did. We have not even finished the first episode yet, but we got a start.

 

My intention was to type up the letter that I wrote to Quynsie, but at the last second, my heart kept saying it was too personal for me to post. We are Mormon and we do believe in the Holly Ghost and I believe that he was telling me not to share it. I tried arguing with the thought and feeling, but I just could not shake it. For whatever reason, I am not supposed to share it.

 

I did talk to Quynsie today about things and let her know that what she is thinking about doing to herself is beyond selfish. I reminded her that her brother and sisters have already lost so much in their life and if they lost her it would devastate them. I asked her if she wanted to be there for them and help them through the tough times, or if she wanted to abandon them just like everyone else in their life has done. Her answer was she wanted to be here for them. I know that she is a strong girl. She even said that when she gets those thoughts in her head, she thinks about her brother and sisters and that is what stops her.

I cannot even imagine our lives without her. She has so much going for her. She is a great student (because she is actually applying herself), she is a great help at home, she loves her siblings more than life itself and she is an amazing daughter, but MOST IMPORTANT, she is daughter of our HEAVENLY FATHER who is very mindful of her and her weaknesses. He loves all of His children no matter what. He is there for us at all times of the day or night. He is our Savior and Redeemer who chose to sacrifice his life for us and our sins/bad choices.

 



Today has been a rough day emotionally.

We have known for about a month and a half that Quynsie has wanted to commit suicide and she is in therapy for it. To begin with, she only wanted to take pills or at least that is what she was telling us. Then last week at therapy, I found out that it was much worse than that. She actually wants to cut herself. Her anxiety is so high that she can't even function. Anyway, today I had a doctor appointment and I decided to take her with me. I wanted to see if we could either change her medication or up her dose so that we can work with the anxiety. The doctor told us to up her does for now and come back next week for a follow up. He also talked to Quynsie pretty seriously and told her how selfish she was being for wanting to leave this world. He talked about a kid in Africa that doesn't have a family, food or a place to live, but that kid was the happiest kid because he just loved life.

Quynsie made a comment at the doctors office about a conversation she had with her dad last night that I didn't know happened. In this conversation Joe told her that if she left this world, then there would be a good chance divorce would be in the works and her siblings may be split up again. He was trying to tell her what possibly could happen through that big of a tragedy. It destroys lives.

Anyway, Quynsie did not convey the conversation exactly how it was meant to be and she came out and said that if things got worse, then her dad and I would get divorced, so I went through the day thinking I had done something wrong and missed something in how mine and Joe's relationship was going. I thought we were at the best place we have ever been. I tried to call Joe right after the appointment to talk to him, but he didn't answer and he never called me back. I finally tried calling him again a few hours later and he answered. I wasn't able to talk to him about it because Quynsie was sitting right there. I had to wait until he got home in order for me to talk to him about it.

In the end, Quynsie didn't get it out the way it was actually meant to be said. It was meant to get her to think about all of the lives that would be affected and the negative effects that result from this.

 

Joe and I are just fine and no I didn't miss anything. We are completely in LOVE and HAPPY and again in the best place we have ever been. It took many years to come to an equal understanding of how we both pictured a marriage being, but we are there and I don't see that changing ever. I think the longer we have been married, the stronger our marriage gets.

 

Anyway, I have a letter I am working on for Quynsie. I am hoping that I will have it finished in the next day or so that I can share it with you.

We are very hopeful that Quynsie is more understanding as to how it would ruin everyone's lives. I just wish she could see her worth like we see it and more importantly, how our Heavenly Father sees her. She is so important to so many people. She is so loved and very much wanted in our family. She is a great kid and I just hope that she will eventually come to see that. We want to help her be the best her that she can be.

 

On the way home from school today, Carson said, "When I get a dirt bike, Papa can teach me how to ride so that I don't crash."

 

Um, buddy, I think we are in trouble with you. You are a dare devil and I have no doubt you would be jumping off of things on that thing pretty fast. You are going to give your mama a heart attack and put me in an early grave. He has already given me a few close calls while riding his bike, scooter and skateboard. He doesn't watch for cars and when he is riding his bike, he looks behind him. He thinks he needs to see where he has been instead of where he is going. He also does not watch what he is doing while running. He just can't slow his brain down enough to focus and make better choices.

 



The day started off a bit early this morning. Our friend Michael called at 5 am. I think he forgot that there is a 3 hour time difference. Joe talked to him at that point. Then he called again at 6:20 thinking that it was 8:20. I ignored the phone that time, but as soon as the kids were all ready for school I let them know that they had a huge surprise. I let them listen to the voice mail and then we tried calling him back. He didn't answer so we left him a message. Thankfully, he called just before we got to the school because the kids were pretty disappointed that they didn't get to talk to him.

So, yes thankfully, they got to talk to Uncle Michael before school. It completely made their day. We have not really talked to him since he stayed at our house for a night before shipping out for the military. That was back in April I think.

It was so good to talk to him. We talk to Camilla often because we just could not stand not being able to talk to her. Ok, lets put it this way, I can't stand not talking to her for long periods of time. She is my best friend. The one that I know I can rely on besides Joe. She has been there for us through everything when it came to adopting Quynsie. They have been amazing. I hate that they had to move so far away, but I know that they are doing what they have to do for their family.

Anyway, I am done talking about it because it makes me want to cry every time I think about it. There are days that I just want to pack a bag and catch the next flight out of here to go see them.

Anyway, thank you Michael for making the kids day. To see their smiles on their faces when they heard your voice was priceless. I think it helped them to know that you were really ok.

 

 

I got Raven's stickers up on the wall, but they are not sticking so I am going to have to find my modge podge to put on them so that they will hopefully stick better.

 

Carson has been doing his own hair for the past 2 days. I am not sure how I feel about that yet, but I will go with it because it means he is feeling confident in himself.

This little stink also lost his glasses at school again today. I had to call his teacher and she found them thankfully. I just bought him another pair the other day to replace the last pair he lost. Good thing I can get them on line for cheap because otherwise, I would be even more irritated.

 



Quynsie has done a great job so far putting our books back together. It has been a long month of digging through boxes looking for books for the kids to read. We had them unpacked and then we packed them back up so that we could work on the basement.

 

 

Where in the heck does Carson learn how to call me an idiot and stupid. He is even using them the correct way but we don't talk like that at home and his sisters don't say it either. He was in school all day last year with the same group of kids and he has the same teacher. Last week he called me an idiot today he said I'm stupid. I hate when you hear something new that is negative come out of your child's mouth for the first time and your gut and heart just sinks. I'm used to being told I hate you now but these new words not so much. Raven has even started saying things like I'm not her real mom so I can't tell her what to do. She even said I'm just like the other woman (her birth mom) when I told her I wasn't going to talk to her until she calmed down. She was having a huge melt down because she didn't want to help clean the kitchen yesterday so I put her in timeout and told her that I didn't want to discuss the issue until she could calm down and talk to me like a big girl and that is when she got angry and said that I was acting like her birth mom.

 

Today I was able to finally get mine and Joe's clothes hung and folded. They have been piling up for a few days.

 

Tomorrow I will be working on more laundry and getting Raven's stickers up on the wall before heading to our 3 hours of therapy. Tuesday afternoons seem to drag on forever and starting next week, it will get even longer because I am starting a class on parenting kids with trauma.

 

A neighbor today told me that she never sees us at home very much. I laughed and said, well I have 4 kids and we have violin, piano, volleyball, school, and therapy. I think the only day we don't have anything most of the time is Friday.

She was like wow, you keep those kids busy. I said, yeah I have to in order to keep them out of trouble and wanting to do things they shouldn't be doing. It also helps keep their minds off of all of their negative past. I want them to build new happy memories and experience things they may not have ever experienced before coming to our home.



Happy birthday to my sister tomorrow.

She makes me feel old. I am only 4 years older than her, but she was like 14 when Joe and I started dating and was 1 month away from turning 15 when we got married.

I remember when she was born. She was a premature and when I took my baby doll into see her, they measured her and the doll and she was 1 inch longer than my doll. Doll clothes fell off her. She made her grand entrance into this world on her own terms and doing what she wanted and the same is true to this day. Her motto is "I do what I want".

She thought she didn't want kids but then had my nephew and she is the best mom. She then took on 4 step kids and that has not been easy by any means, but she loves those kids just like her own.

Happy birthday tomorrow Britt

 

Yesterday I forgot to blog about the funny thing Nadia said to us in the truck on the way up the canyon. We told her that she could not collect rocks this time. Her response was, "You are killing me here." I died laughing cause it is true. She has a hard time not picking up a rock everywhere we go. It can just be an ordinary rock out of a parking lot and she would pick it up.

 

I also did not see my sisters post about the girls watching T.V. with her last night, so here is that post:

 

I'm just casually watching an ocean documentary because I'm nerdy like that, and my neices come in to watch. At one point the coral is being torn apart by waves. They were very sad and "felt bad" for the coral. Kids are hilarious. Am I bad because I felt indifferent toward the coral?

 

Then she goes on:

 

Now Nadia feels bad for trees being torn up by the force of waves lol. Sensitive soul.

I thought it was cute!

There really wasn't much to report on as we were gone literally all day gathering firewood.

It was a long day. The kids did amazing.

We rewarded them with dinner out and a shake. We never do shakes because they are expensive, but because they did awesome, we rewarded.

After gathering wood, we went to my grandparents/my sister's house to split the wood and put it in the woodshed. It is wood that we all use. We use it for our fire pit, my parents and brother use it for their fire pit, my sister has a fireplace and we all go camping so it gets used. We had Our truck, my brother in laws truck, my parents truck and trailer completely full. When I left at 9:30 tonight the wood shed was half full and we still had my brother in laws truck and my parents trailer left to split and unload.

I had to come home and get the kids in bed. They were so tired.

 

Joe and I have a different view on things, I feel that it is not going to hurt the kids to work hard every once in awhile. It is not like we ask them to do much. They have 1-2 chores a day and then they are free to do whatever they want. Anyway Joe wanted to drop us off at home and leave us there, but I was like, come on really? It is not going to kill them to go and help a little bit more. In fact, things turned out just fine because all they did was play at my sisters house. They had to hand a couple of pieces of wood here and there, but not much.

 

Joe has a different opinion on things. He thinks they need to be lazy so to speak. Not like lazy lazy, but he doesn't believe in asking them to do hard tough work all day.

 

I too don't believe asking them to do hard tough work all day every day (EVERY DAY)! But every once in awhile isn't going to kill them. They can't go through life thinking that life is handed to them on a silver platter. They have to work for the things that they want. It builds great character and teaches them to work hard for the things they want in life.

 

In the end, everything worked out. The kids were amazing and I think they actually were having fun some of the time, including the part where they had to haul the wood to the trucks and trailer.

Since I don't have anything to post about Nadia today, I thought I would post this. She is really does love learning how to play the piano. She has caught on so fast.

 

Quynsie has no idea that her dad and I put the full size bed up in her room and got her new bedding. We did this so that when we have company come over they have a place to sleep. Quynsie will have to crash in her sisters room when that happens. The price you pay when you have the bigger bed. It doesn't happen all that often, but it will be nice not having to put up and take down every time. I could not wait for her to see it after volleyball practice.

 

I love this reaction!!!

I went and picked her up from volleyball, didn't say a word about it. (AMAZINGLY)

I had my seat belt off before completely coming to a stop in the driveway.

I was out of the car and down the stairs before she could even get out of the car.

I was hiding in her room waiting for her to come see and I had the camera ready.

I love surprising our kids with things and I love recording their reaction by taking pictures.

She could not figure out why I ran so fast from the car, but when she entered her room, it made more sense to her.

This was the perfect picture! She was completely in mid air when I first hit the button, but of course it waits a few seconds before taking the actual picture. Either way, it worked out great.

 

I found all of our missing hangers. They were all hiding in Quynsie's closet.

 

 

Raven's closet is finally put together.

Even with her toy box in her closet, she still has plenty of room in there.

 

Raven's room is finally pretty much put together. We are just waiting on her stickers to come in the mail.

Look at that clown collection she has going on.

Personally, I don't like clowns, but Raven does. Her birth grandma actually performs as a clown sometimes for parties and such. I am sure this is where she got her love of clowns.

 

 

Joe working with Carson on some karate stuff. Since we pulled him from O.T. he is really going to need something like this where he can get his sensory stuff out. He has been a great kid all afternoon. I was really surprised because Joe and I was not giving him our complete attention. We sat him down yesterday and explained that his sisters needed some attention as well and it was time he learned how to share mom and dad. I hope this behavior continues for awhile because it was so nice not having to get upset with him for bad choices.



 

 

Today I spent the day worrying about a decision that Joe and I needed to make when it comes to Carson and his O.T. It is one of the many hard decisions that we have to make as parents and we hope that we make the right one.

After talking to his therapist this afternoon and letting him know what else is going on in our lives, we have come to the decision that we are going to take a break. We have been going for almost 2 years and we have seemed to hit a road block. Carson is no longer progressing in the direction that we were hoping. Also we are dealing with some serious things with Quynsie and Raven and we need to shift our focus towards them and their fires, so to speak. Carson will continue going to regular therapy once a week and if in the future we need to return to O.T. we will, but for now, we are going to take a break. I have his therapists email so that I can email him if we need to.

 

I hate making decisions like this because I am so afraid that we are going to make the wrong decision. We love our kids so much that we want the best for them. We will do anything and everything to get them the kind of help they need.

And right now, the girls need us and our attention so that is the direction we are headed in.

Today has been a much better day as far as my emotions. That is until this evening...

I got word that our kids bio mom is trying to get ahold of us or wants to get ahold of us.

I just am not going to go there right now.

 

Why now?

I just cut all contact with her family completely...

The kids are now expressing that they want nothing to do with her right now...

The kids want to deal with the past and move on...

They are tired of holding onto hurt feelings...

We are making so much progress in therapy....

Why would I ruin that?

 

I love where we are in life right now.

No it is not easy by any means. We are dealing with some pretty

tough issues right now, but that to me means that we are making progress.

The kids are feeling safe and secure enough in Joe and I as their parents.

They are finally coming to us for love, acceptance, security, and advice.

 

Roxanne, if you are reading this right now, please don't take offense. We are just in a good place right now that we have to just take it one day at a time and follow the kids lead.

I can't expect them to trust us, if we go against their wishes. They have asked us not to even talk about being adopted right now. They just want to feel like normal kids living in a normal home with a normal family. They don't want to be reminded every day that they are adopted.

I hope you can find it in your heart to understand and respect the kids wishes right now.

We still have a place in our hearts tucked away just for you. After all you are their birth mom and we are so very thankful for the opportunity to be their parents here and now.

 

Quynsie's volleyball games got canceled today because of double scheduling conflicts or something, but it allowed her to make it to young women tonight.

We also were able to go visit my Aunt and my little cousins that are our kids ages. Yes, you heard that right...I have 1st cousins that are our kids ages. My aunt and uncle have 2 adult children, but 6 years ago they adopted as well.

 

Tonight Joe is putting the second coat of paint on the walls downstairs and getting the tack board down for the carpet. Hopefully tomorrow the carpet can be installed and they all we have to do is get the last few final little details done, but that is not a pressing concern. We just need the carpet installed so Joe can teach karate down there tomorrow.

 

Sorry, no pictures today.

My day started off a little rocky. On our way out the door for school this morning, I asked all of the kids if they had their lunches. All said yes. We are pulling into the school and Quynsie says, "I forgot my lunch"

Me: "What do you mean you forgot your lunch? I specifically asked you all if you had it"

Quynsie: "I don't know"

Me: "Here is $4 get school lunch and bring back my change"

 

1st disaster adverted.

 

Head to Walmart to pick up Quynsie's prescription and get some groceries since we hadn't gone all week last week or this past weekend.

Get to Walmart and realize I don't have the insurance card because I left it with my sister on Saturday while she had 2 of our kids and I never put it back in the car.

Go home, get insurance card and head back to Walmart.

Came home, unloaded the car and got started on painting Joe's dojo.

 

Went and picked kids up from school and took them to therapy. I am hoping that Quynsie and I were able to break down some walls and we will be able to communicate a bit better.

 

Came home got dinner and then got to painting some more. We have finally gotten the first coat of paint on the walls and ceiling. I am hoping we can finish painting tomorrow and get the tack boards down so that we can lay carpet Thursday before karate.

 

 

Love this girl. She was so willing to stay up past her bedtime helping us so we could get this bottom coat on tonight.

She is always so willing to help out.

She really is a great kid.

 

I learned today in therapy that Quynsie feels threatened by my authority especially when it comes to her siblings. She feels that it is her job to guide and protect them because that is what she has had to do in the past.

I explained to her that we just want her to be a kid and take advantage of that because it is not going to be that long before she is an adult and she is going to wish that she had more of a childhood. They now have parents that are there for them every day.

 

She also said another one of her fears is that we are going to leave and not be there for them.

 

She is having some serious anxiety when it comes to one of her teachers and I am going to be going in and talking to this specific teacher in the morning.

 

I think some of my frustration is that when we got our kids they were a bit older and I did not get a chance to learn how to be a parent before we hit the teenage years or the pre-teen years. I didn't get a chance to baby my kids, nurture them, love them and teach them from day one. Because of that, our family is structured a bit different. We are all learning together on how to co-exist, bond and be a family.

 

My emotions have been so close to the surface for the past couple of weeks and it does not take much for them to spill over.

 



My niece Ryleigh just stopped by my van after school and said that I need to buy her a violin like Raven's and if I do she will give me hugs and if I don't I don't get hugs anymore. Little stinker.

 

Yes, all of my sister's kids go to school with our kids. All of the kids seem to love going to school together. None of them are in the same class, but we do have multiples in the same grade.

 

 

The first picture I took and the second one, my cousin took.

We came upon this accident on our way home from school today. How in the world does one get their car on top of a bridge barrier? Oh, I know, they were probably going to fast for the turn and was probably not paying attention.

When I went back to the school to pick Quynsie up from volleyball practice you could see skid marks during the turn. There is a light at this intersection so I am not sure what the driver was doing/thinking.

 

I seriously do not know what to do with Carson anymore. O.T. Isn't really helping and his therapist there has come out and told us that Carson is so complex that he can't figure him out and is not able to deal with the behavior issues that we are having.  Carson keeps telling me he hates me and today when asked why he hates me so bad he laughed and said I just hate you randomly.

After he had to sit in time out for awhile, he said that he hates me because I am mean when I tell him what to do and when I put him in timeout. I explained to him, that if he would just do what he is asked to do and not the opposite just to make us mad, then I wouldn't have to be mean by putting him in timeout.

His logical thinking just is not there. I can't figure out why he thinks it is ok to just walk up to someone and punch them for no reason and then says, "I wouldn't punch you if you would stop telling on me for punching you." Things like this just doesn't make sense and he should know that that is not ok thinking. He has been taught better than that.

For whatever reason, he has not respect for women and their authority. Joe can put him in timeout and Carson doesn't hate him.

We actually asked him if he hated his dad for putting him in timeout and he said no, but when we ask him about me, it is a straight yes.

 

I am sure Joe is just as frustrated as I am about how to teach Carson to respect women. He tries, really tries to teach him. He even tries to show him how to treat women, but for whatever reason, Carson just is not able to grasp this concept.

 

To be perfectly honest, I know that Carson does not mean it when he says that he hates me, he is just saying it out of anger. But after hearing it every day, multiple times a day, it starts to wear you down. I feel like I have failed somewhere in parenting.

 

Starting next week, I am going to be taking a 10 week class on Parenting a child with trauma. Yes, we have taken a class on this before, but this is through a different place and will have a new perspective and different ideas shared. I am looking forward to this class because I am in hopes that it will make a difference in the way I parent Carson.

 

I am not naïve enough to think that this is all about Carson. I know that I am playing a part in this mess just as much as he is, but I am not sure how to fix it and that is why I am taking the opportunity that the kids' therapist has offered me. It is an expensive class to take, but I am hopeful that it will help and be so worth it.

 

We are trying to break the cycle of the kids' past and if we don't find a way to get through to these kids then we are going to have troubled teens and adults on our hands.

 

We are not just having issues with Carson, we are having problems with Quynsie and Raven as well. They think they need to call home almost every day asking for advil.

Today I told Raven no and then I text her teacher letting her know my reasons for telling Raven no.

At dinner tonight we explained why we can't allow them to have advil or any type of pain killer every time they ask for one. We let them know that if we let them have it every time, eventually, that medication is no longer going to be strong enough and so they will move onto the next strongest pain killer and so on until they make it up to the street drugs. This is a conversation we would have had with our children even if they were not adopted, but because they are adopted and have a history in their birth family with drug use, it is even that more important to have these conversations. Since we do not know for sure if our kids were exposed to drugs at some point during pregnancy or after birth, we have to take this serious and treat it as if they have been exposed.

I have no problem with giving them Tylenol or advil if they really absolutely need it, but if I feel that they are abusing the privilege, then I have to make that decision.

 

We are getting closer to having half of the basement remodeled. We only have to paint and then put in carpet. We are hoping that it will be done and ready to go come Thursday for karate class. It is going to be nice for Joe to teach in his new dojo that was specifically designed for him and his passion.

I am planning on cutting in the edges tomorrow while the kids are at school so that when Joe gets home, he can just roll the paint on the walls and ceiling and then Wednesday, carpet can go down. EEEEKKKKKSSSS!!! So close to being finished.



Joe's best friend who now lives in Cali came for Bushido yesterday and came and hung out with us some more today.

Here is Quynsie with Uncle Marc.

 

Quynsie with Auntie Eunice and cousin Xyra.

 

Quynsie with Zayvia

 

Quynsie and Yesha

 

 

 

 

 

This is what we do at my sisters house after family dinner. The kids get on the 4 wheeler and take turns riding it in the back yard.

They all had a blast.